


Payne: a split in stories

by Lcmonboys



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Angry Sex, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Fear, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, Multi, Physical Disability, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:29:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28655742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lcmonboys/pseuds/Lcmonboys
Summary: two sisters. neither who the other expects. paths diverged at the crossroads of the others life, unable to hold on tight enough to one another to stay afloat.the elder, left broken and at the door of death. her eyes seeing what she cannot with them open. her breaths unable to fully complete themselves as she desperately tried to cling on to the last shred of life left in her.the younger, stolen and afraid. unbeknownst alive to those who would save her. the grips of evil tightening around her throat as she submits to the fate others expected her to fight. her mind a broken shell of insecurity, desperate to be loved.a war rages throughout the lands of the wizards, two sides fighting over what one believes to be right and the other wrong. two sisters separated on either side. tests of resilience, maturity, intelligence, and magical capability will find themselves presented to the girls. but only one, shall be declared victor.join gwendolyn and mei payne as they continue to face the trials and tribulations of a wizarding war, all while dealing with mental roadblocks and catastrophic events in,Payne: the Second Instalment
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Fred Weasley/Original Female Character(s), George Weasley/Original Female Character(s)





	1. Angel of Death

TW: GORE AND EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

"I have the tea set out Angel. Let's go to our tea party." Bellatrix's voice rang out in Meis ear, her cold hands holding the much younger girl close as she felt her stomach chill as metal pierced through her skin, all Mei could find herself focusing on was the wind whipping in her hair, tangling the long onyx strands within themselves. The warmth of the summers air against her skin as everything else contrasted to be so cold. Bellatrix's hands were cold, and the shallows breaths of the woman's she felt dancing along her neck felt like ice cubes being ran down her spine.

A moment ago she was kissing Fred Weasley, teasing him on the unspoken promise she gave as she had pressed her lips to his. Grasping his hair in a desperate attempt to calm her own nerves and to reassure his. They would survive this night and that they could try a small future with one another. That it would be nice. Then it was torn away by a scream she so familiarly recognized as her sisters yet she couldn't quite believe it was her. So she'd told her lover to find the owner. 

"Be a good girl now angel. We have somewhere to be." The woman's voice pulled her back into reality as she felt the cold blade twist into her stomach, a faint sputtering sound came from her lips as she tasted the copper and metal along her tongue and it's tastebuds. Her eyes landing in the eyes of one in the grass. An electric blue she only  
felt from one person, yet she so refused to believe it true. Blood poured from the figures body, their eyes only connection for a second before Mei was brought back to her cruel reality. That icing burn of her own blood, it's ghostly touch as it moved into the fabric of her top. The hem of her shorts staining themselves in Meis blood as well as a cloud of blue enveloped the two woman and felt her head lighten as her body lost its feeling. Her features slumping against the woman, a laugh soared from the woman throat as Meis bare feet was able to feel a porcline ground beneath herself.

"Is that the girl?"

"Yes Lucius this is the girl, whom else would I have gotten? A date for your son?"

"Humorous, now, put her in the basement. We have a spot for her. This had better work." 

"The girl is weak, emotionally speaking, she'd told me every detail about herself without hesitation in her dream state. She's the perfect pawn." 

"Yes, she is, I'll go tell our lord. Do you need anything to help with the, ahem, process?"

"Nothing. Although in a week or so I will need your son. For now I will simply keep to myself and do what I do best."

Her body moved, yet she couldn't quite feel where she was moving too. The only feature she noticed was the chill, and how it increased. It was so cold where they moved her too, it felt dead. As if there was no one else alive around. It felt, depraved, and exhausted. It felt opposing from where she'd just been. At the burrow with the warmth of family, with the warmth of Fred. His hands dancing around her waist and his warm breath against her neck, the life of the burrow, and it's excitement.

"You're going to love it here Angel." Bellatrix's voice whispered in her ears as the world around her faded. In her exhaustion maybe she could find as escape from this. Wherever she was.

———

"Get out of my head! Get out get out get out! Get out!" Meis voice screamed itself hoarse, she didn't know what to do. She didn't control her body, she couldn't control her actions, nor where she was. She felt herself desperate to hold onto her mind. As if such a thing could help her, save her, it would. She would escape, maybe someone would come. Her family, they loved her, they wouldn't let her suffer here. Her parents would not keep her here, let her remain, here if they truly loved her. 

Unforgivable curses seemed to be a talent of Bellatrix lestrange. Mei knew that, the woman was evil, beyond repair. There was no way she didn't draw the line at the unforgivable curses. However she didn't use the one Mei expected. No she wasn't met with unbridled and insanity bringing pain that came with the Crucio curse. Instead she now resided in a body not her own as Bellatrix Lestrange decided that the Imperio curse worked rather well on the younger Payne sister. 

She'd said, "your challenge will not be physical. It will be mental." 

Mei could handle physical. Broken bones, pain, burning, she could deal with it. The physical pain. The dehabilitation of her body. Her mind was not as strong, Mei knew this much about herself. She was venerable, weak willed when it came to her emotions. But she would be okay, she would escape. Her family would help her. They loved her, they wouldn't leave her in this hell. 

"Oh but wouldn't they?" Bellatrix's voice filtered in her mind as Mei tried to shut her out, as Mei tried to move from the woman. It failed as her body didn't feel her own, as if she was some sort of puppet of some else. Something on display to others to watch as they so pleased. "Remember everything Gwen had done this year, that quidditch match where she banned you from playing. Telling you to get over yourself as you found a life changing emotional strain. That one time you tried to comfort her on the roof, and she said what you felt couldn't quite possibly compare to what she felt." 

The memories each replayed themselves in Meis head as the woman spoke. Mei and Gwen sitting along the roof of the Hogwarts castle. Just days before the Weasley twins pranks. However this time was different. This time felt weird.

"No offense Mei, but I'm actually committed to George, I'm not just something for him to pleasure himself with unlike you are with Fred. I have to pick up George of he breaks, Fred wouldn't care about you enough to want you to pick up the pieces." 

That wasn't the way that memory went. The words had stung of course but Mei had understood her sister. Understood her meaning. Gwen would never say such things to Mei, her sister was cruel this was just Bellatrix trying to break her. But Mei refused. Her family was coming, they were coming.

"I don't care if you're good at quidditch or not, and truth be told I've seen more talent in any first year than you have. You're not going back up there, you're too fragile. Too weak to play, the team would be better without you Mei. Surely you can see that fact at least, it would be pathetic if you couldn't." 

Gwen never insulted Meis skills on the pitch in those memories. Gwen wouldn't do that to her sister, Gwen was far too kind for her own good when it came to Mei. Those insults would never dare flow from her sisters mind. Those insults weren't how the memories had gone, Mei was sure of that. However in all truth she couldn't quite remember what had really happened in those small moments which Bellatrix replayed in her mind. But she knew it wasn't that.

"Get over yourself Mei. You already knew Fred didn't really pick you first. I mean why would he, you're broken, and fragile, and rather boring if I'm honest. Stop thinking about yourself so much, I have things going on. I'm head girl, I'm moving up, I don't need you to drag me down."

Mei couldn't help but try to struggle again, she didn't want these false memories play in her mind. That was Gwen. Gwen wasn't that mean to her, her sister wasn't that type of person. "Stop this! Those aren't right!"

Bellatrix gave a cold laugh as Mei felt her cold hands grab her face. The woman's nails digging into the upper part of her neck and Mei couldn't help but hold her breath. The chill around her neck scared the girl but she wouldn't give the woman in front of her the satisfaction of knowing the uneasy she caused as her hands grazed her neck. "I'm doing this to help you angel, those are what really happened. You just tried so hard to see it differently you fooled yourself. I'm doing this because I care about you Mei Yaxley, and it seems we are the only ones who do. Notice how no one had come for you yet?" Bellatrix's voice was like a whisper, it was soft a cruel but laced with care. 

It was an act. Mei knew it was an act, those memories weren't real. Those memories were altered to play into Bellatrix's hand. Mei knew this, she knew that, right?

"What about the Weasley boy? The one who's caused you so much pain." Bellatrix's fingers ran across Meis face, almost caressing it as small moments with Fred flashed in her mind. Their first night together, him pulling her to the side in the shop as they laughed, the night with fire whiskey, the rooftop. 

"Mei, that was fun, you're fun. This isn't going to be a thing though, you know that right? I can't let people know I would sleep with the likes of you. You understand don't you doll?" 

He didn't call her doll, Mei knew he called her something else, something nice, but it wasn't doll. What did he call her? 

"Come on Mei, you look so good in that skirt." Fred voice ceased as he drove his lips and hands against her body. She tried to speak but he silenced her with a kiss. "Don't ruin the moment doll." He whispered as he pressed her against the wall.

No, that wasn't how it went. He'd kissed her and she was laughing as he made a joke, he asked her if she was okay with continuing with the people skimming the shop before the open. She'd laughed and locked the door behind them. And he didn't call her doll. She just couldn't remember exactly what.

"Of course I had a thing for Gwen, the only reason I'm not going after her is because she's dating my brother. Mei is just the alternative, she's no Gwen but she's good enough for now."

That one hurt her. Hearing the memory say those words, the memory was altered. Of course it was altered right? Fred would never say that to her. Be that cruel, but what actually happened? The true course of events slipped her mind as she felt her body slowly start to exhaust itself. Her mind wanting to collapse but she wouldn't let it. Not yet.

Then the picture of Fred and Mei at the top of the burrow fell into her mind, his hands draping her waist as his saying that this world was theirs. Telling her she looked beautiful against the skyline. It was one of her favorite memories, even if it felt painful at the end. She loved that he brought her there, that he thought of her as he looked as the sly and needed to bring her up the see it. It felt domestic and happy, something the girl desperately craved. 

Bellatrix's couldn't have this one, not that memory. 

"Get out of my head get out of my memories! You can't change that one, it's mine! Please!" Mei tried to move her body, yet all she was met with was a choking restraint tying along her features. She couldn't move, this wasn't right. Her couldn't move her body to fight back, she couldn't protect herself. "They aren't changing, you're just seeing them for what they really are. Why don't you want to see this one?"

His hands gripped her hips, pulling her close but there was an abscess on sensuality to it. An absence of gentleness she had slowly become use to. His hands trailed along her body, roughly grabbing skin. His hands putting pressure on her ribs despite the fact that they've recently healed. He was desperate, needing, it didn't feel like Fred. His touch didn't feel like it belonged to him. 

Fred was always so careful around her ribs, cautious and barley grazing the skin. His touch wasn't desperate but sensual. Each kiss felt it's purpose. That memory wasn't right, none of this was right. He didn't call her doll, he never called her doll. 

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it stop it!" Her voice mimicked a child throwing a tantrum. Desperate and begging yet a whining ran in her words. She wanted it to stop, she couldn't watch them anymore, she didn't want to see it anymore. False memories, the replacement of her own. She couldn't remember what truly happened in every scene Bellatrix altered. Her mind was trying to catch up with itself, to hold onto the true version of events but she could feel her grip slowly loosening. 

Then her exhaustion seemed to hit her body, her head lulling forwards as she let go of her tension. The curse Bellatrix held escaped from her as well as she collapsed onto the cold ground of the cell. Her body retracting in on itself, trying to make herself small, wanting all of this to go away. To leave. The last defining feeling she remembered was the cold of the ground.

Or was it warm?

———

Mei found herself struggling through the next few days, were they days? She couldn't tell, she didn't sleep as much and her hunger in her stomach dulled her sense of time as seconds seemed like minutes and minutes hours. She was always cold, the concrete floor or the pit of her body. She couldn't tell what was making her cold anymore, maybe it was the loneliness of the concrete room.

Mei felt her mind slipping, slowly but surely. She couldn't remember things, she didn't recall moments she should've. The day she came home to the Payne's was a blur, it should've felt warm right? Coming home to her family, or well coming home to an adoptive home. She should remember warmth, love, faces. All she saw were blurs of her newfound siblings and parents, and a pit of cold running down her spin.

Gwen and Mei, they did something during Christmas. She knew this, they did something with music. Gwen played an instrument, or did Mei play an instrument? There was a cartoonish melody playing but as she tried to remember the song it was always off key. Some notes were missed and some on an opposite scale. Who was playing the out of time song? Did Benji play, or Enzo. Yes it was Enzo, Enzo played an instrument at Christmas. Was it a guitar or a piano?

Fred felt distant as well. His movements which she believed to have been gentle now felt rough, calloused. They felt like Blaise had, rough, violent, in need. Fred hadn't been like that. He was kinder, he cared about her in ways Blaise hadn't. He liked her, he took her up to see the stars. He had hadn't he? Taken her to see the stars? In honesty Meis memory was in shambles, at a point she'd forgotten her brothers names. 

Mei hated this lonely feeling, of forgetting. The cold that came along with it, she knew who she was. Who she came from, she came from Ivanessa Yaxley, lived with her father until he had decided to send her away. She couldn't remember what had happened to him, but Mei knew it was bad. Horrid, even. She knew it scarred her in a mental way. Did he die? Had he left with no word? It had to have been bad. 

It was dark in the basement of the Malfoy manor. Depraved of light and the only sound aside from her own breaths were the small sounds of water echoing from the outside. Then she slowly started to hear footsteps, familiar steps as the sound of heels echoed across the room, only interrupted by droplets coming from the outside world. Her face looked up, trying to find the owner of the steps. Blonde hair was the first she saw, golden blonde that shown out through the dark. The figure was smaller than Mei, yet so sure of itself. It walked with purpose and strive Mei recognized. 

Gwen.

"Gwen? Is that you?" Meis voice whispered out as she tried to stand, her body leaning against the wall for support before she stumbled forward, her arm latching onto anything she could find to help herself stand. "Thank grodric you're here, I was starting to think you'd forgotten." A small smile could be heard in her voice as her eyes tried to find that of her sisters. Searching for the key to her memories. "I've missed you."

"That is a sentiment only one of us can share darling sister." Gwens voice was cold, it wasn't warms. It should've been warm, loving, worried about the slowly crumbling girl in front of her. "You belong here, in this place, locked up. You'd be out of everyone's way, Merlin knows I would feel much better knowing you couldn't hurt others like you always have." Gwen sneered, Mei felt her legs fail as she feel to her knees. Her eyes still looking up at her sister, her chest feeling so heavy despite her physical conditions. Were those memories true? Was this the real Gwen?

"What are you saying, I haven't hurt anyone." Meis voice near begged the older of the two. Her eyes finally meeting that of her older sisters, Gwens eyes were cruel. A gleam in them shown she had never seen before, or had she? Mei couldn't quite recall. 

"You've hurt everyone, mom, dad, Enzo, Benji, Maria and Yvette hate you so because of what you did to them, never giving them the time of day yet always expecting them to do so for you. Remember Nick, and how you acted like a feral and wild animal, all because of what? He said something about a man who left you? Blaise, you two fought and fought yet somehow you were the one who always started the fights. The first one to yell, at make any situation into an argument. Fred, he cannot stand you yet you always have to be around him." Why was Gwen saying this, it wasn't true, Mei wasn't like that. She wasn't mean, she was cruel. 

Mei was good.

"And me, you drive me mad with how much you talk of yourself. How you always have to be first, how you want people to love you, how you are the creature that people should want to be with. I have news baby sister, no one wants you, no one wants a beastly broken doll when they have a perfect princess one. It's simple and it's about time you come to realize that." Gwen moved quicker than Mei could see, but she felt the press of her hand to Meis neck. A tighten sensation budding around her throat. "What are you doing Gwen?" Mei coughed out as her sister only tightened her grip around the youngest neck. "What I should've done the first day you arrived at my family's house." The blonde sneered. 

Then Mei saw her disintegrate. Her body turning to a black dust. It was Bellatrix, the woman held her hand at the spot Gwen had use to be. A wand which now pointed at Mei. The girls breath picked up as her hands moved to her throat, feeling the outline of what Gwen had done against her neck. "What have you done!" Mei hoarse out as she slowly moved back. Afraid of the woman in front of her. "She's not dead, I transported her somewhere else. So that you could be safe." The woman said, her wand lowering as she slowly moved towards Mei. Hiding the weapon as she did so.

"She hates me, that wasn't Gwen. I know it wasn't. That was a lie." Mei tried to speak but the presence of Bellatrix Lestranges face near her caused her to cease. "Would a lie do that? Would a lie choke you, try to kill you. That was real." Bellatrix cooed, as Meis body slowly shook. Her mind not being able to understand what was going on. "I saved you Mei, I protected you because I care. I show you these things that hurt because they are the truth, and you have blinded yourself from it for too long." The woman's voice cooed in Meis ear as the girl shook, her hand still placing itself lightly on the spot where Gwen had had hers. 

"Don't you see Mei. They don't care about you like you do them, like I care about you. To me you are very important, I see you as a powerful woman I want to know. Your sister doesn't exists here. I do not want to know your sister. You are important here, far more so than they have ever treated you to be." Bellatrix let out a sigh whenever the girl didn't answer, her body moving to turn away when Mei grabbed the sleeves of the woman. Desperate for human contact.

"Do you really care?"

"Of course I do angel."


	2. Where there is nothing there is everything

dark.

that's all there was.

an endless walk of darkness.

her feet kicked in the onyx water as she slowly marched towards that speck of light just out of her reach. anytime she believed to have gotten closer, the small glow vanished. leaving her with no coherent surroundings. but she didn't mind. whenever the light disappeared, she simply stood and waited. she wouldn't move. wouldn't speak. last time she tried to speak all that came out were venomous hisses. her tongue felt split at the end like a snakes, while the rest of her body seemed to move without pause.

she wasn't sure what the light was. she didn't even know if that was what it was. all she knew is that it called for her. it called her name in a soothing and warm tone that felt like honey. like a warm cup of tea in the morning. she knew the voice. it was that of her grandmothers. the moment she opened her eyes, anything she had forgotten over time, restored. the faceless woman appeared, a kind smile that would read her to sleep.

the times her grandmother would walk her to school a block away from her apartment.

the kids that would greet the young girl.

the warm muffins she would have when at her grandmothers place.

the warm feeling of blood when she returned home.

the strikes from her father.

the hissing from her mother.

the aching pain of hunger deep within her stomach like an unfed beast.

wherever she was, everything that was forgotten was found again. her mind was blank most times. no concept of anything. she relived the saddest and the happiest of moments. the pain and the healing. the crying and the laughs. his lips. her lips. his lips. oh the lips she had kissed. whether on a dare or sneaking into a closet. the whiskey bottle eyes. the ones she'd wake up to and fall asleep to. the light that surrounded them.

the obsidian eyes. the ones of anger and despair. the ones she would shiver at whenever she found. the way she could tell his anger just by his eyes. ah yes, the eyes.

she remembered her vision getting worse. physically. she could not see well in front of her. books seemed to blur and faces became smudged. children became trees and adults became stumps. but yet, she believed to have seen more than ever. she saw the fears, the heartache, the pain. she saw the manipulation, the games, the toying. the moves he would make that seemed to get her stuck. everything she had seen physically became dull, while everything she had seen mentally became bursting in colour. 

the fire of his hair. oh the way it burned. it lit up a room and lit up her heart. before, she had seen nothing but a spark. but when she moved closer, he was a wildfire. burning down trees and stumps in her path to allow her to move swiftly through the breeze. just as she moved swiftly in the never ending waters ahead of her now.

her feet never tired. her legs never ached. her bones never wished to rest. no. instead, she felt powerful. fulfilled. never weary. her muscles never asked to stop. she never faltered. she felt whole. like any ailment she had experienced in life faded from her bodies memory. she continued the march. the march towards the sea. the march towards the light. the end of the tunnel. the release she craved.

"please wake up." 

she halted. her legs ceased from moving and her head snapped upwards. nothing. to the side. nothing. to the other side. nothing. down. nothing, only her feet buried in the murky black of the water. her legs shrouded by that of the dress she would wear during their games. the lace skirt swimming gently around her in the water. but nothing. she saw no person, heard no breathing. the voice came from somewhere else. outside the abyss.

lifting her head, she was blinded by the bright shining orb in front of her. large enough for that of her stature. she had reached the end. she made it. she could leave the tunnel of abyss. dry her feet and find peace and serenity once more. maybe see that fire. those whiskey eyes. lifting a foot from the wet, she stepped through.

only to loose control over her movements.

and stare into the eyes of a deranged woman.

"has it worked?" the girl asked, though it was not her voice. it was deeper, quiet, more menacing. it had something behind it. an evil of sorts. a darkness.

"it has, my lord. she believed it to be the girl. she is on our side." the woman hissed, a cackle escaping her lips as a bent wand dug into her own cheek.

"and my niece. is she dead?" her voice asked once more. but it still failed to play it's melodic notes that would typically sing out.

"fenrir claims he had not killed her. though what I saw was a mess of flesh and muscle. they may need a miracle to bring her back." she continued, "you should have let me at her, my lord. I could have handled both."

"no, bellatrix," the voice called once more, "she is a more talented sorceress than you. you would have lost. besides, you did your part wonderfully. and from what I sense, the girl is still alive. if barely."

the feeling of water seeping through the fabric of her skin brought her back into what she believed to be reality. it was thicker this time. a new sense of colour. glancing down, a deep crimson stained the whites of her ankles. a gash reappearing throughout her calf, inching up. it reflected on the other, new wounds reclaiming the flesh they had been imprinted on. she couldn't place it. when were they made. 

his claws.

that was her first recollection.

the feeling of his claws sinking into her legs. tearing at the pristine skin that was once there. but it hadn't started there. her hand reached around back, now bare. all she wore was a nude cover over her chest and that on her lower region. she felt pain. for the first time in..she didn't know. the feeling of her fingers playing across the deep tissue gashes. it caused her pain. she had felt so numb for what felt like mere weeks to her. nothing hurt. nothing hurt her. not the walking. not the corset. not the silence.

this did.

her throat ran dry. a choking noise emitting from it. the taste of copper filled her mouth again and she felt his teeth sinking into her neck. she fell back into the depths of the water. but there was no bottom this time. no where for her to stand. her body submerged and all around her was the feeling of gentle drops cascading around her skin, pulling the crimson from her body as she fell deeper. yet she breathed. a breath of light. a glow flowing from her mouth as it opened in the murky darkness around her.

"I need you. I can't do this without you."

another bright light. but she was forced through it this time. her mind was warped and spun until she landed with her eyes on that of a young girl. shaking and small. bones showing through her sickly skin. eyes sunken and bruised. cheeks so hollow one touch would break through the flesh of it. a certain dark glow emitting from inside of her that bore straight into her eyes.

"she wouldn't."

"your sister is a monster, my dear," that same voice from what felt like months ago replayed. months? no. no it couldn't be. days ago. no that was too soon. weeks? no not weeks. week. one. maybe. she didn't know.

"you're the monster."

"if I'm a monster why did she not save you," she whispered, the same deep venom in her tone reminding her this was not her body, "she wanted you dead. she knows your power. she's scared. she does not hold a candle to your physicality. she can wield a wand. but you can wield a sword. one that awaits you if you simply realize your potential with us."

the dark eyes before her flickered. a small movement most would not notice. but she knew this girl. the move was that of contemplation. of thinking. longing. possibility. a gentle shake of a breath, and a hand outstretched.

a deep intake of breath. head bursting from that of darkness. water cascading from her body but leaving no marks. etches of wounds continue littering her skin, resulting in a shudder. blood dripped, yet left no residue in it's wake. her throat burned. it felt as though it were exposed to such intense heat she would be left with a simple string holding her together.

a simple string. a thread. a thread dangled. it lead somewhere she could not see. not feel. nothing was above her. just an endless abyss. but a light appeared. this one was different. no that was no light. no orb. as he hands gripped the thin thread that dangled, she soon learned just what it was.

a fire.


	3. Mark my body, and change my soul

"Stay still." Bellatrix's voice rang into meis ears as they stared into the mirrors. Meis long hair bunched together in the woman's hand, a pair of silver scissors feel in Bellatrix's hand. Mei looked at herself in the shining mirror, she looked different. Sick. Her features were more hollow than they had previously been, her skin faded in color until it rested at an unsung color of white she didn't quite recognized. The girl staring back at her was an unfamiliar face. 

"I don't want you to do this, I like my hair." Mei muttered out as her nails slowly dug into the skin of her bony thighs. Her eyes still staring intently at the reflection which looked back, that hollow person who mirrored her. "Angel don't think so much. You'll look better with the short hair." Bellatrix said, before Mei heard the slicing of her hairs threads and the final ship of the delicate scissors. 

Mei didn't remember how she managed to get here. How she managed to get out of the basement and given her own room in the regal house. She knew how she got to this seat, how bellatrix had posed this question. 

"Angel, your hair needs to change. It's too long. It can be a weakness in battle." Bellatrix's voice cooed as she sat on the edge on the queen bed Mei found herself sleeping in. The silk like green sheets provided little warmth to her chilled body, however she wouldn't complain. This was far better than the draft of the basement and the echoing of the water whenever it dripped down. "I can just wear it up. I don't see why my hair is such a problem. I've always had it long, I like it this was." Mei had replied as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Small semblances of memories dancing across her mind as she did so. A blonde girl tightly braiding her hair as they laughed. The same girl pressing a kiss on her forehead as she held her shoulders.

But her face was blurry, she couldn't think of the girls features but she knew that was a reason she liked it long. That she had looked forward to the woman touching her hair, playing and braiding it. It was probably just a childhood friend. Someone long forgotten. 

"The long hair is who you use to be, a weak halfblood who accepted abuse. The girl who use to be called Payne. You're a Yaxley, you've always been one but now you accept that name. A short haircut would be wonderful on you." Bellatrix's would speak again, her hand reaching and playing with the ends of Meis hair. Twisting the long strands. Their eyes poured into one another, Mei couldn't tell what Bellatrix was thinking. She never could unless it was anger. However mei figured herself to look venerable. Her eyes an open book for the woman in front of her to read as the near pathetically wide eyes looked at Bellatrix. 

"Okay, you can cut it." She finally answered. Her words hesitant as they spilled

"I take it back, I like my hair. We can braid it so it doesn't get in the way." Mei spouted as the final snip of the scissors echoed in the hair. Her eyes screwed shut as she refused to see herself. To see the healthy hair lying on the floor. "It's too late darling, look how beautiful you look." The crazed woman cooed in Meis ear as she felt the coldness of her hand place itself on Meis shoulder. The sudden chill sending a ripple down her own spine as she slowly opened her eyes. 

The short hair was different. It was strange. It was lighter. 

Her neck felt cold. 

The sharpness of her hair cut accented her jawline as she kept her mouth closed. Her pale skin accented by the bush of black coming from her scalp. The cut was blunt, a straight line falling above her shoulders. Small strands of the straight hair fell into her face, the length so much shorter than she had previously been accustomed to. "Do you like it angel?" Bellatrix's words spoke softy, like talking to a child. As if Mei would break. But there was a smile behind her words and the remarks made. A joyful if not cynical smile falling behind the words. As if Bellatrix knew something that Mei didn't.

"I love it." She lied as she choked back any other words, although the woman holding her shoulders didn't seem to care about the lie if she knew.!Instead she smiled, rubbing her hand up and down Meis shoulders before releasing them. Turning around Mei found a hand offered to her, a hand to accept. She took the woman's hand as she helped the malnourished girl stand. "Now, how about you go look in your room. There are several types of dresses laid out for you to try. After you find the ones you like we'll get you even more. I can't wait to see you in the green, even if that red necklace would ruin it."

She had a necklace? Meis hand drifted to the string of silver around her neck and the ruby pendant that sat in the dip of her collarbones. Where did she get this from? Was it a gift? As her eyes drifted back towards she mirror she saw the condition of the necklace. It looked new yet Mei knew it was worn down. She'd have had it for years. Another half of a memory danced around her mind as the same blonde girl who tied her hair back handing the asian girl a red box. Inside laid the necklace. 

Who was this blonde girl?

Why did she give Mei the necklace? Did it mean something, or was it just a simple gift. Surely of Mei hadn't taken it off it must mean something. Something important and emotional. Mei and the blonde girl must have some sort of connection because of it.

"I'll tuck the necklace in. I'll show you which dress I prefer."

———

The dresses were beautiful. Most of them a deep green shade, others black or silver. In truth she liked them all, the luxury of the material and the elegant stitching that showed itself in the connections off the fabric. Her eyes picking three of them as she tried them on. 

The first was black. Falling to her ankles and bare feet as she placed it over her body. The fabric felt like luxury as she ran her hands down the skirt, to smooth out the wrinkles. A natural waist line cut itself on the black dress right at her hip like, the dress coming inward slightly before it slid back out around her body. Never venturing far from her figure. At her back there was a keyhole esque of cut out which showed off the lean muscles of her back. In the front of the dress held a turtleneck cut as it clung to her top and lacked fabric past the rift of her collarbone and her shoulders. The skirt of the dress rested above her ankles as she stood, the fabric clinging to her legs. It make her look fuller, her bust still small but the fabric brought more attention to the bone of her hips and the small triangle shape of her body.

The second was green, and it reveal more skin than that of the first. A deep v line cut which added itself to two rippled pieces of fabric holding the fabric up, it lined itself with black trim, the fabric dipping itself to the center of her rips as it showed much of her skin. the back of the top drifted into a v line as well, it kept going down, only stopping before hitting the dip of her tailbone. A sheath straight skirt line draped her lower half as once again the dress fell just below the floor. Meis hands found themselves running across her collarbones and to the skin which the v line showed off. Small scars dancing along her skin as her hand traced a faint white line in the center of her chest. She didn't know where it was from. Then again she couldn't remember most things anymore. The dress make her look sexual, so much skin out of display yet she didn't feel as if anything was really showing.

The third felt stiffer but Mei couldn't help but captivate herself in it. It was a rich grey color, an off the shoulder top as the sleeve ventured down to her wrist, a high low effect slowly found itself forming as the back of the dress it the floor yet the front of it reveal just a touch her feet. The dress wasn't pleated, even thought the fabric slowly folded itself over at the bottom of her dress. She liked this one, the black change of fabric at her waist line and the black accent to the grey at the small dip of the off the shoulder look. She felt regal in it, like royalty, worth something and as if she was important. The dramatic pull of the waist then small flare of the skirt as it hit the ground.

"Huh, guess with enough fabric even a halfbreed can look decent." A voice rang into her ears from behind her. Her eyes sharply turning around to find the owner of the voice, her eyes landing on a blonde man. Pale skin only matched by his hair as he stood in the now opened doorway of her room. A ring laced hand holding his sharp jawline, the silver band on his thumb running across his chin as he glanced her up and down. "Are you going to say anything?" He added as they looked to towards one another, the body of Draco Malfoy and the piercing of his eyes at her body made her want to move away from him. 

"I would rather be alone Malfoy. I don't quite like hearing your voice, it sounds like torture to my ears." Mei told to man, shortly. Her mind may be failing in some parts, however she remembered the hatred she felt towards the man standing near her. The sick feeling he gave her, the way he held her back in Umbridges office before the ministry battle. "Merlins sake sweetheart, you're going to be see a lot more of me. Maybe get use to it. If you keep wearing those clothes I can get use to it too." The look on his felt was one of superiority, far too cocky for her liking. 

"Call me sweetheart again and I'll use this dress to strangle you." Mei wasn't having anything to do with Draco today. She still felt dazed, still wondering why she wasn't not still in the basement. Although she knew, after gwens attempted murder of Mei she pledged herself to Bellatrix. Trusting her, Bellatrix had protected her, so Mei would be with the woman. Craving that love she couldn't quite remember from anyone else. 

"Oh, does that mean you'll be taking the dress off to do so? I'd sure love to see that." Draco teased, a small laugh escaping his throat as he leaned his head against the wood of the doorway. Mei felt her hand ball in itself, small crescents forming from her nails into the palm of her hands. "I doubt you've ever see the underneath of a woman's shirt. Is there any certain reason for this visit or do you just want to annoy me?" Mei scoffed as she tried to calm herself down. Releasing her hands from their balled positions as she looked over at the man, a distant lacing her eyes as she waited for him to answer her question.

"Father and Ballatrix want to see you. They told me to fetch you, but being able to annoy you was such a fun bonus." The man looked over her before he turned, motioning for her to follow along with him. "I'll be there, let me change." Mei scoffed as she moved forward to close the door, hearing one last quip from Draco before closing the door. "Really, I would love to see."

———

"Don't you trust me Angel? I would never do something I didn't believe was good for you." Bellatrix's voice ran like silk in her ears as Mei sat at a small table facing the face of Lucius Malfoy staring back at the nervous girl. Bellatrix's hand danced across her forearm, tracing a pattern into her skin she couldn't bring herself to accept. "This is too much, I can't do it, I'm not ready." Meis voice quivered as she felt Bellatrix's other hand tighten at her shoulder with Meis refusal. 

"I told you, the girl is useless, worthless. You should've just left her to die." Lucius told the woman behind her, never directly looking at the yaxley girl. Always past her. "Don't say that, you're wrong Lucius. Mei, angel, don't let what he says be true. You are so valuable to me, to us, all you have to do is say yes. Get the mark." The last phrase sent a shiver down Meis spine. They wanted her to be a death eater, to pledge herself to the dark lord. To be his servant, Mei wasn't a servant, she didn't believe what that man believed. Blood status doesn't matter, what matters is talent. To be pure isnt what matters, muggleborns aren't something to be hated. She believed people were equal. This wasn't Mei Payne.

But was it Mei Yaxley?

Mei didn't know the girl she was becoming. With short hair, she didn't recognize herself in the mirror. Her hands didn't feel her own, she body felt like it was someone else's and she just resides in. Would this complete her? Was this way of life right? She didn't remember love, from her father, the Payne, as hard as she tried she couldn't remember the warm feeling she was suppose to have whenever she thought of the people she lived with. Who she loved and who had told her they loved her back. Would this make her warm? Would this get her that love she so desperately craved from people? What she craved from Bellatrix? 

Getting the dark mark? Would that complete her?

"Okay, I'll do it." Mei said, her head nodding as she felt the grin spread to Bellatrix's face. She wasn't mad anymore, Bellatrix still liked Mei. Lucius Malfoy's cold hand gripped her wrist as he pulled her arm in. His wand pointing at the end of her forearm, an evil grin in his eyes. 

She immediately regretted her words, she didn't want this. Bellatrix would be okay with that, Mei needed to wait. This was all too soon, Mei still remembered herself unable to move in the basement. Screaming at the wall to be quite even when no one was speaking out loud. The crazed look she felt on her as Bellatrix infiltrated her mind, playing with memories. Telling her sweet things to help her. Saying she cared for her. 

Bellatrix cared for her she would accept Mei didn't want this. 

Fear sped up her heartbeat as she looked back down at her arm and the wand pointed at it. The dreadful gleam in the elder mans eyes. "No, stop I'm not rea-" Mei started, moving her arm back only to feel the cold hand of the older Malfoy man shoving her shoulder down as he used his other hand to hold her arm down. Mei could feel her heartbeat in her throat as she once again tried to move, struggling against the force that the man held against her. "No, that's not how this goes halfbreed. You are lucky to bare this mark." He hissed into her ear as a cry fell from her lips as her forearm started to burn. 

"Stop it! It hurts!" The sixteen year old yelled as the tattoo imprinted itself on her skin. It felt like hatred, the tattoo forcing itself onto her skin as she struggled against the grip of the older man. The tattoo made her skin, the snake against her arm. The horrid snake and skull. Its burning formations eating up the skin of her arm. This changed everything, she couldn't leave, she couldn't walk around with this on her arm. It was a brand rather than a mark, it branded her as evil. As a monster, a beast, this mark meant so much more than she thought it had just seconds ago. 

Hot tears stung in the corners of her eyes, slowly spilling as her screams of pain flew from her lips and her free hand dug its nails into her palm. "It's done." The man said, the pressure of her shoulder soon relived as the man stood up, leaving Mei and Bellatrix alone in the emptied room. The cold room which only seemed to drop lower degrees.

"Angel, I'm going to ignore that display of weakness because of the pain. I know it was a shock to you, it hurts yes but you'll understand in time. Know how lucky you are to bare that mark. The family that mark means." Bellatrix cooed as she ran her hand down Meis arm. Her hand once against tracing the pattern on Meis arm. Except now there was a design to follow. "You can join us for dinner tonight. Or stay in your room. Whichever you would like angel." Bellatrix finished as she slowly left the room.

Leaving Mei alone in the room, her hand covering the tattoo just burned to her arm. The tears still stinging the corners of her eyes and the streams they followed still burned down the side of her face. Her knees slowly brought themselves up to her chest, her face burying itself in her knees as a stream of sobs echoed out in the cold room. 

Then she remembered something, as she felt the cold of her silver chain press to her collar bone. She remembered who gave it to her.

Gwen gave her to necklace.


	4. Burn brighter my fire, for you are not dim

wandering. walking. wallowing. wondering. 

ending. enduring. escaping. expecting.

ascending. accepting. aching. avoiding.

slipping. seeing. seeking. submerging.

loving. losing. living. leaving.

emptying. everlasting. emerging. exciting.

yearning. yielding. yelling. yanking.

the words replayed like a song. a song of love. a song of life. a song of him. his hands. his touch. his words. his meaning. his life. his kisses. his lips. his words. his words. his words. the sweet feeling of them rolling along her skin like a tattoo. dancing along and tickling along her nerves. a name. he had a name. one she didn't know how to say. she knew his name. she couldn't say it.

scratch. a pain shot through her upper arm. thin letters of crimson red. a red bark. the tickle of a pen on skin. carefully written words. two. a name. not words. two names. his name. she could read it. she saw it. she can feel it. she can't see it. maybe she can.

"george weasley."

her throat screamed. his song was alcohol in a wound. the feeling of sterilization coated her. a sense of relief and unbearable pain all at once. too much. her legs moved. she sprinted. towards the light. it was back. returning at the other end of the abyss. the other end of the tunnel. the light at the end of the tunnel.

she stopped.

she blinked.

a new light caught her off guard. a warm light. a basking light. the light of a home. it was new. no it wasn't. no it was old. an old light she knew. where was it. then it disappeared and she fell. dropping back down into the murky cold. crisp licks of water lapping at the large wounds that had yet to leave. they closed. burgundy scabs now. dark and hard. 

standing. she stood to her feet and stared at the blazing light that moved closer. just as it had before. a few times. seeing dresses being brought. a snake. evil snake. dark snake. a greasy man with a hook nose, relaying information she understood but could not place. when the light would disappear, she would try to remember. think so hard her brain felt worn. used. burnt. like a tea kettle in the morning. names were familiar. school. she attended a school.

one of bright lights.

one of whimsy.

one of heartbreak.

one of wizardry.

one of her.

the light moved closer once more. slower. inching forward like it was beckoning her. begging her. come forward. it told her. come to me. it told her. she had to go to it. she hunched over, grasping at her damaged throat as she lumbered forward. maybe she'd see her. the girl with the dark hair. she knew that hair. that red necklace that acted as a beacon. a heart that shined through for her to find.

reaching her hand through, it felt cold. a cold air. a heavy air. one of evil and neglect. one of insecurities and the thirst for validation. she wanted to pull out. the cold was too much. too heavy. to scared. she didn't like fear. she didn't like being scared. she wanted to run. run from what laid ahead of her. find another light and find that peace. the peace without the wounds. without the wandering. without the endless pond.

but it sucked her in.

pulled.

latched on.

"I told you, the girl is useless, worthless. you should've just left her to die." a blonde man echoed to the same crazed woman. her hair. the tangles. the spiderweb of matts and unfortunate tangles.

she wanted to brush it. run her hands through it. braid it. keep it out of her face. allow her to see fully. give her a clean and reformed look. but she knew she had no control over this body. it was not her. it was her names. it was her lineage. it didn't belong to her though. this body was darker than she had ever felt. a rage spreading through it.

her mind went numb as a wand was slapped onto a girls arm. the red. the necklace. she knew her. it was the girl. the cold energy came from her. it came from her entire being. the heaviness. the need for acceptance. that feeling of neglect and of being lost. never having an anchor. she had an anchor. she had her. but she was far away. too far for her to reach. nothing in her could find her. 

malfoy manor.

she scared herself. she knew this place. this place was infamous. she had remembered a boy boasting about it. the design, the colours, the stone. everything about it. she knew where she was. she remembered a name. something inside of her was warming up. creating a stirring. but it all fell through the cracks as a deep smoke settled within the red girls skin.

a snake. a skull. a secret.

cold. she longed for it this time. to see the look of regret in the red girls eyes. but instead she felt the water. the water of her abyss. the water of her captor. the water of the prison that held her hostage. her body shivered, shook. her mind went fuzzy and she rolled, submerging her head into the dark.

it rejected her. she was found in the open once again. a grey dim light illuminating the walls around her. it was dark, still very dark. still a void. very empty. very lonely. she struggled to her feet, clawing at her legs as they wandered forward towards the wall. it was a wall. this must have been a room. a room had a door. 

maybe it would lead her to the peace.

there was a door. it lit up the room. it was made of fire. so much heat. it wasn't too far. just near where the light had been. a sob wracked her entire frame as she wandered forward. her feet felt weak, for the first time in a week. no. two weeks. a month? how long had it been. she didn't know. she had to find out. why couldn't she remember? her knees collided with sand. no water. the water was gone. why was she in water?

she gripped at the sand, trying to comprehend everything. where she was, what she was doing, where she was going. why couldn't she remember where she was. she was in a field before. then in someone's arms. then here. how did she get here. was it a spell? was she being possessed?

no.

death.

dying.

her life was draining.

the water drained. so did she.

she didn't want the peace. she didn't want that cold light she yearned for seconds ago. seconds? minutes? hours? she didn't know. but the door grew smaller. the door of fire. it was fading. her life was killing it.

she had been attacked.

she was attacked by a werewolf.

a werewolf named fenrir greyback. 

she saw his face. it was there. she was in a field. she was in the field of a home. the burrow. yes that was it. she was in the field of the burrow when fenrir greyback had attacked her.

bellatrix lestrange. she was there. the woman with the hair. the wild bird nest. she had taken someone. who? red. red hair? no. red dress? no. red heart. red heart. red girl.

red girl. mei. 

her feet scrambled, lurching herself forward. mei. she had to find mei. the red heart. the red beast. beast. no she wasn't a beast.

wails left her throat like acid. her feet ached and her body felt as though it were being ripped apart and stitched back together again. she needed to get to the fire. the fire would bring her back. a flame of life. her flame of life. he was her flame.

she was near. the smoke burned her eyes. it was so bright. she didn't like the colour. she preferred cold colours. green. she liked green.

she was green. dropping her eyes, a ring appeared. green ring. she was the green one. the princess. his princess. the snake princess. 

she continued to struggle forward. the fire grew smaller. he was losing faith. losing hope in her life. he was dying out. she needed the flame. to have it lick at her wounds and bring her back into the land of the living. she couldn't die yet. she had to save red. the red girl. she needed to feel his fire. tangling between her fingers.

a burning sensation coursed through her body. the feeling of heat completely enveloping her as she launched herself into the flame. the dreadful flame. the flame of life. she was there. she made it. she would see his fire. she wouldn't meet death yet. no not yet. too much to do. she was too busy. there wasn't enough time. she had to fight. keep that flame within herself burning. not yet. she couldn't. bring her back, bring her back.

the warm light hit her eyes.


	5. oh please mother please!

"How does it feel yaxley? To know that you're no better than me?" Draco Malfoy had decided to make it a point to annoy Mei whenever he could. Coming to her room just to banter and insult her, making comments at the dinner table she couldn't help but to clench her jaw at. Grabbing her arm to move her places, it stressed the short haired girl to no end. He was always there, always annoying her and trying to dismantle her already fragile mind at any chance he could take. "I wouldn't know, considering I am better than you in every way. I rank higher than you in most classes, I'm a far more talented dueler. Not to mention I'm smoother than you, I've felt your eyes on my ass since you've decided to bother me." 

Mei was at her wits end with the man, his comments and the way he stared at her. He made her feel sick, the last person she let stare at her like that was Fred. Merlin Fred. Am much as her memories painted him evil Mei couldn't help but think they were wrong, her scenes of him calling her doll anyways felt wrong to her ears. And she'd be damned if the next person she let touch her was Draco Malfoy. She'd rather go back to living with the Payne's than let him lay a hand on her. 

"Don't be so conceded halfbreed. Anyways I do remember I'm above you in potions, in a duel I just know I'd send that pretty little figure flying. Maybe do what your brother did, choke you until you beg me to stop. Doesn't that sound fun sweetheart?" His words were met with a scoff of Meis lips, her eyes rolling as she turned her face towards him. Putting down the fabric of the dress no the bed. "Once again, was there anything you needed to tell me or was this simply boredom?" Her eyes drifted towards the tattoo on his arm, the one which mirrored her own. 

The tattoo made her sick as she had viewed it on her skin. It was evil, beastly, it churned her stomach and she desperately wanted to take it away. Tear it off her skin, cut her arm off the get rid of that horrid mark. "You're mother and brother are here. Your mother wants to see you." His words cashed her to stand still, a chill spiraling down her vertebrae.'her mother was here. She wished to speak to her.

Her mother was here.

"She's hear? At the manor?" Meis voice near quivered as Draco uttered his words, the chill of them rippled down her body. Giving her a slight shake, her mother was here. Merlin her mother was here. "Yes, I just said that. Wear something pretty and meet her downstairs. Don't keep her waiting." The Malfoy boy said finally before closing the door to Meis room. As the door closed there was a small breath which escaped her lips. Thoughts racing in her head as she tried to remember her mother, that woman. 

The only thing which flew to her mind was the slamming of a door whilst it rained. Words being uttered but she couldn't quite place what they were. Then she remembered being cold, and wet. Staring up at a glorious house then walking away. Her footsteps echoing on the ground as the smaller Mei walked away from the building. Alone.

Her head shook slightly, pulling herself from the trance while her eyes darted to the black dress on her bed. The high turtleneck with the key cut out in the back. Yes that was the dress she would wear. Slipping off the baggier clothes she adorned Mei moved to the dress, letting the fabric take hold of her body. It clinged to her hips and waist, enveloping her body in its black gleam. Her feet found themselves in black heels, which added about three inches to her own height. Making her near six foot tall. However she didn't mind, she never really disliked her height. It was never a cause of her insecurities, well not recently anyways. 

Her hands moved to the jewelry body on the dress which stood near the corner of her room. The green and silver designed carved into the wood as a snake seemed to carve and move itself along the lock. Opening the box her eyes moved around the inside. Silver jewels fell over the green velvet lining of the box. Her hands drifted towards a long string of silver which attached at the end by a clasp. This was the one she'd wear. It was perfect. Picking of the chain she slipped it over her head and let it fall over the fabric of her neck, the end of the silver string fell just above her bust. 

Her eyes glanced back to the mirror. It didn't offer anything to say, no hateful remark nor comment about her appearance. So be it, she didn't care to hear her reflect speak anyways. 

Mei turned, her feet moving forward and her hand resting on the door knob. Twisting it slightly to let herself out of the darker room. Step by step she walked from the room, passing door by door down the long hallway until she found herself at the top of the staircase. Peering down at her mother and brother which stood beneath. They looked like family, all dressed in green and black. Her brother wore a pair of black dress pants, complimenting itself with a white dress shirt which found itself unbuttoned at the top three buttons. His hair styled and a bored expression filling his features as he peered around the scenery of the Malfoy manor.

Next to him stood a woman just a bit shorter than him. Her long dark hair mirrored how Meis use to be. Her features so similar to her two children's. The wider bridge of the nose and defined jaw line. Prominent lips and dark eyebrows. The deep set near black eyes which she shared with her two children, full lips which she shared with Mei. Their cheekbones so similar, Mei face was rounder than her mother and brothers. Fuller cheeks rather than hallow. Small smile lines at the corners of Mei lips which her mother didn't share. All three of the Yaxleys seemed to tower over others. Their tall stance and aura of power worked so well, they looked like a family.

"Mei. Darling, it's good to see you." The woman spoke, her a body found itself stopped in itself. She's wanted this for so long, for this woman to acknowledge her, for this woman, for ivanessa yaxley to be her mother. It didn't feel like it should've. There was supposed to be an overwhelming sense of joy in her chest, instead just a small sense of fear and a larger sense of anxiety. Maybe it was just nerves of seeing her again, and seeing her brother. Nick yaxley and Meis last encounter was rather violent to say the least. 

"Mother, brother. It's wonderful to see you." Mei spoke, her voice confident as she stepped down the stairs. A small smile brushing her features as her eyes made contact with that of Nicks. Tension finding itself between the two of them as Mei finished herself down that stairs. Standing in front of her mother, their eyes almsot level but Mei found herself just an inch shorter than the woman. "You look amazing my daughter. Your hair suits you." The woman spoke lightly, a ghost of a smile brushing her face as the older woman's hand found itself on her daughters cheek. Running a thumb across the underneath of her eye bags. Mei found herself leaning into the hand, into the comfort of it all. Into the seemingly motherly touch. 

"Short hair huh? Reminds me of someone I use to know. Nice tattoo sister." Nick Yaxleys voice pulled her from the ever so wonderful trance she found herself falling into. Did he mean Gwen? Someone he use to know, with short hair? What was he trying to get at with that comment? At the mention of her dark mark she almost moved to hide it, from anyone view. However she restrained herself from doing so as her eyes fell to her relatives forearms. Each of them bearing the same mark as her own. Meaning that they were in the exact same situation as she was, well maybe not the exact same. 

"Thank you, yours looks just as lovely brother." Meis reply was short. Her tone not bothering to stay along with his for more than a few seconds before she peered her eyes back towards her mother. Desperate for the feeling of her hand against Meis face once again. However it never came as the voice of Lucius Malfoy rang out. Calling for her mother. The older woman excused herself, leaving her two children to be amongst themselves. 

"You'll never be one of us." Nick was the first to speak. Those words echoing so clearly in her ears as she turned towards him. Their hatred had never dwindled, since hogwarts, since he dated Gwen, they always looked at eachother the same. Eyes blaring with disgust and distain. "And what us are you referring to brother?" She taunted back, the lips forming into a disgruntled paused as she looked him up and down. Her eyes once against landing on the tattoo against his forearm which showed only slightly as the sleeve of his shirt rolled ever so slightly. 

"My family, you'll never be apart of my family. You are nothing but a broken beastly halfbreed. You have no place with a family of pureblooded wizards. Do you understand sister?" His eyes tinted darker, bone chilling glare locked into her eyes. However in her fashion, she didn't back down, she wouldn't cower to him. "I'm the one with the relations to Gwen. I'm the stronger one. I'm the one they would keep if they needed to get rid of one of us. Just remember that brother, whenever you feel like you need to disrespect me. I outrank you." Her challenged him, wanting him to make a move. Craving to have a reason to lay a hand on the man.

"You're stronger?" He laughed, one of his hands gripping her wrist. A cold sensation running from her arm as she pulled it back, her effort unsuccessful as he only increased his hold. "Remember when I almost killed you-" his hand quickly moved to her neck, ring clad hand gripping at the sides underneath her jaw, a small choking effect hitting the younger sibling. "- and how you clawed at your throat to make it stop? Those tears streaming down your face as you tried to beg me to stop. I would've killed you if that mudblood of a sister you have didn't step in. So I will tell you again little sister. Know you're place, you don't belong here, and soon enough you'll be gone." 

He left his hand fall from her neck as their eye contact never broke. Her hand quickly touched the feeling his hand left around her neck, the lengthy nails she carried slightly digged into her skin as she started to move. To hit him, her hand easing slightly before a small tut sound echoed three times through his teeth. "Don't want to act like a beast now do you little sister?" He started, his eyes narrowing as she lowered her hand. Balling it into a fist as it fell to her side, the small crescents she left in her palm burned slightly against her skin. "I'll take my leave, give mother my best." She said through tight teeth. Her heels turning as she moved back up the stairs. 

———

"You're worthless, isn't sad how no matter what you do. All you end up accomplishing is pissing people off and making them hate you more. Pathetic bitch." Mei spat at her mirror, nothing spoke back as she angrily looked at her own reflection. She still wore the gown she had adorned to see her mother, the silver jewelry around her neck fell toward as she leaned over the pristine porcelain counter top. Her warm hands becoming cold as the palm planted at the edge of the counter. "There's a reason you're always second place. It's because you aren't good enough. You aren't enough. You'll never be enough."

This felt different, she's never said these words to herself. Her reflection has always done it for her, she never had to hate herself because her reflection always did it for her. 

"Slutty, second place, poser, pathetic whore. Merlin can you do anything right? You changed your morals because you craved that love from a woman you didn't know. You want to be hurt just so you can man a scene about it. To be the victim. You aren't the damn victim you're the abuser. The toxic one. You're a fucking death eater Mei Yaxley." She spoke to the mirror, it's image shifting slightly, a pathetic look in its eyes as it cried. Grabbing its hair in its hands. "Shut up! You're being mean, I don't want to be hurt, I want someone to love me I'm sick of the hurt! Of that pain!" The mirror cried out as it whimpered.

Her reflection was so pathetic as it cried. The redness of its eyes as it repeated that its tired of the pain it bares. Sobs echoing in only Meis ears as she stared at the desperate reflection. "You like that pain! You love to be hurt because you think it makes you special, but you aren't special. You're a half blooded, easy, pathetic, beast. Mother doesn't want you, she's just kind now because you are useful to her. Don't you realize that Mei?" She spoke, voice raising slightly as her shoulders started to tremble in anger as the reflection only seemed to sob more.

"Why doesn't she love me! I'm her daughter, she made me! Why can't she love me like she loves Nick? I'm her family too! She has to love me!" It sobbed over and over, tears pooling from its eyes as Mei closed her eyes. Her shaking breaths only getting worse as she tried to focus. "She doesn't love you! Stop fooling yourself!" She yelled at her mirror as her eyes screwed shut. Her hands running unti her short hair, trying to bunch up the ghost of her hair before going straight to the scalp. A chain of sobs echoed from her throat as she couched to the ground, slowly sitting down as her back pressed against the cool wall behind her. 

She didn't know why she was crying. Why she had yelled at the pathetic mirror. What caused this moment. Well that was a lie, she knew, Nick yaxley. His words, they replayed in her head. The moment of walking in the rain as the yaxley manor rejected her. She moved her head forward then harshly back and it slammed against the harsh wall. The tears flowed from her eyes like hot water, she could feel the makeup around her eyes moving down her skin with the wet droplets. Angry screams echoed in the room, she hated it. She hated herself, for what she was becoming. 

She hated that she couldn't remember her life, her family, her sister, Fred. She couldn't remember distinct features on his face. If he had freckles or not. His voice felt staticky as she tried to remember. She couldn't remember her brothers names, they started with an E and a B, however that's all she could recall. Gwens face was bluring, at some moment she was Gwen. At others she was a faceless blonde, who's voice was drowned out by white noise. Her father, he was someone, he was kind. At least she thinks he was. Her memories was him were distant as she tried to pull the moments with him from deep in her mind.

"Yaxley, what are you doing." A voice echoed in her ears as she let her hands go from her hair. Her tears still running down her cheeks but she choked back her sobs. Her eyes moving up to the standing figure at the now opened door way. Dracos lean figure looked down on her with a look in his eye she didn't quite recognize. Pity? Sympathy? She couldn't quite place it. "Go away Draco. I'm not in the mood." She managed to scarf out, her body still trembling slightly as she felt his shoulder against her down and the closing of the door.

Next to her sat Draco Malfoy, his back pressing against the wall as well as he sat with his knees to his chest. Fore arms resting against his bent knees. "You look like shit." He said, the deadpan expression on his face interrupted by a small and flat laugh moving from his vocal cords.

"Thanks, it's the tears."

"I know it's shitty. The mark, all of the responsibilities." He offered a small bit of kindness, something she couldn't help but appreciate. She needed to kindness, for someone to be her friend. Mei and Draco weren't friends, however right now she didn't quite care as she was desperate for someone else's words. For someone to tell her that she was a good person. That they knew what she was going through, that it would get easier. "I thought I would feel better, less empty. But now I just feel like shit." Mei let herself be honest with the Malfoy boy. He was her only option at this point.

"You never get less empty. The pain just grows until you get use to it. Find things to make you less empty for the time being. Then you embrace the pain, it's the only way you can really get through it Mei." His black sleeved arm moved around his shoulders, pulling himself closer to the defeated girl.

"I don't want to be empty. I use to be happy. Really happy." 

"I know. Now you try to be happy when you can. And accept the empty."

"I don't want to be empty"

"I know."

Then she cried. Violent sobs echoing from her throat as she broke. Hating for self for what she had become, her head pressing itself into the crook of dracos neck as she continued to cry. His hands running over her back as she did so. His hands messing with her hair as she let her emotions out.


	6. let me walk, let me breathe, yet do not let me talk

a gasp radiated through her burning lungs as the sticky air of an overused room burned inside of her lungs. her head screamed with intense agony as she grabbed at the dirty and clearly untouched sheets beneath her. everything around her seemed to scream into colour, causing a yelp and a hiss to escape from her mouth at the same time. but they created an immense amount of torture to radiate through her throat and neck all at once, creating an overload of her senses. the room was dim but she swore the glowing of red flesh could be seen. it was her own. scarred and puffy with stitches and bandages covering what they could. everything ached as her body moved from the stiffened position she had been in. 

the creaking of a door sounded like a million nails on a chalkboard as the noise danced through the sensitive drums of her ears. her eyes felt heavy and hooded, one was covered by a thick piece of bandage, but everything around her seemed so light. so real. so life like. her memories from mere moments ago were murky and full of darkness, as though she had fallen into a pit of nothing. oh merlin. her mind worked at a million miles a minute as she attempted to comprehend that of what was going on around her. figures rushing in from that noisy door, grumbling about godric knows what. everything was moving too fast for her, and she hurt too much. everything hurt.

"hey hey hey," a soft female voice cooed as two soft hands placed themselves gingerly on her cheeks, pulling her focus to the woman's face, "hey it's okay. it's me. It's mum, mama's here love it's okay." she whispered. 

those familiar dark pools resulted in a comforting feeling to settle within her stomach. her heart continue to thump wildly as her vision caught figures rushing into the room. she didn't like how many people were watching her. but her mother kept her eyes trailed on hers. blue diamonds meeting dark onyx. the petite tip of her mothers nose and the perfect bow of her lips. the soft and melodic tones of her voice. whispering that she was okay and that everything was okay. she wanted to say something back. merlin, gwen wanted nothing more than to say something back. tell her she loved her. tell esme that she loved her so much. 

"don't try to talk my love," esme whispered, smoothing a sweaty piece of blonde hair behind gwen's ear, "don't try. give it time. it'll be alright. lay back down, that's it. baby steps." she continued, leaning the eldest daughter back onto the sweat covered pillow, running a finger gingerly over the large bandage across her cheek that covered her sight in one eye, "I'll watch her for the rest of the night. get some sleep everyone." her mother called over her shoulder, eyes not moving from the newly life filled eyes of her daughter.

slowly, exhaustion became a friend to gwen. but she didn't feel as though she was falling this time. she was being lowered into a bright world, with a soft cushion to comfort her. and her body rested once more, no longer fighting for her to wake up. but allowing her to sleep.

\-----

the familiar touch of a calloused hand managed to shake the sleeping beauty from her slumber. a warm and caring touch she had yearned for all that time wandering through the emptiness. reliving her past trauma's and witnessing those being inflicted upon others. her one uncovered eye peeled itself open, a soft glow of winter sun welcoming her with a fire blazing in front of it. her fire. george. a smile pushed ever so gently onto her lips, careful not to irritate the still somewhat open wound across her cheek.

"hey princess," he whispered, tilting his head to the side, "I missed you," he cooed. she went to speak, only to have that same pain from the night before race through her throat. george shook his head slowly, "don't try to talk, princess. the doctor said it would be a week or so before you can do that. we'll take things slow okay?"

warm tears filled the waterline of her eyes, spilling over freely as she stared at george's gentle and comforting features. the same features she had longed to see, to touch, to feel, for lord knows how long. glancing down, she noticed her arm that wasn't being held by george to be captured in a sling, bandages cascading all the way down right to the base of her thumb. on her top half, well, top and bottom, she wore a large shirt that covered her from the nape of her neck down to just above the midpoint of her thigh. her breathing was slightly constricted from a tightly wrapped bandage around her torso and ribcage. her neck was wound with these same bandages, though she felt the slightly shift in the skin at the reconstruction they seemingly had to do of the skin on her throat.

"you're a bit roughed up, but I think it adds a new layer of beauty," george whispered, picking up on the distraught look she had, "you were out for three weeks, almost a month princess. I told everyone you'd pull through, you're too stubborn to go out that easy." he teased, gently caressing her knuckles.

three weeks. oh no. oh no. mei had been with the death eaters for three weeks. a panic struck look crossed the blondes face as she slipped her hand from his grip, shaking at george's arm as she went to open her mouth to speak. she had to tell them. she had to tell them that she was being tortured, and manipulated. that she became a death eater. she frantically squirmed and attempted to speak, but only cracked yelps and hisses escaped from her throat. the pain was immense but she needed to tell them that they had to go get her. to go get her sister and bring her back. instead, george called for her mother and father.

"gweny," ramiel whispered as he rushed in, taking a seat on the bed on the other side from where george was. he placed to hands on her arms and gently coaxed her back down into a horizontal position, "I know it's a lot darling, but please don't try to overdo yourself. for once, please." he begged, lips quivering as tears threatened to spill from his dark eyes.

so she stopped. and the exhaustion from her rapid movements hit the healing girl quickly. her eyes closed once more, the warm blanket of sleep falling over her weak body like a comforting hug. allowing her peace once more.

\-----

it had been a week since she woke up. unlike the doctors predictions, her voice still seemed to be lost. she met with him a few days after her faithful awakening, and he said it may take a little longer, but he had no doubt she would indeed speak again. he had instructed her to begin walking, just small distances. to the bathroom and what not. her mother had helped her for the days after his instructions. the daily routine typically consisted of her waking up, trying to tell them about mei, and then falling asleep. waking up, drinking a bit of broth, and falling aslleep. waking up, walking to the bathroom with her mother, falling asleep. gwen hated how reliant she was becoming on people, despite her just facing deaths door. 

today however, she was to meet with the doctor again to check her bandages.

"good to see you awake, ms. payne." the short man smiled as he walked into the bedroom of the burrow, waddling his way over, "now I'm sure you were taught this at school...but sadly, gwendolyn, scars from a werewolf are permeant." the doctor said in a grim tone, smiling mournfully at the young girl.

esme beside her gently squeezed her hand, reminding her it was going to be okay. and that she was lucky to be alive. a few scars wouldn't be that bad, how terrible could they truly be? gwen tried to convince herself it wouldn't be awful. but the sheer amount of bandages she did have betrayed any kind thoughts she had about the situation. letting out a ragged breath, the blonde stiffly nodded at the doctor, a sign to let him know to continue. that she was ready to have the bandages removed.

"they should be sealed now, the wounds," the doctor hummed, "your voice will come back soon dear I can assure you that." he insisted, leaning over and carefully unwrapping bandages from her unbroken arm. 

gwen watched in a fit of anxiety as the bright pink flesh was unveiled to the world. a litter of puffy marks cascading across her upper and lower arm. they wrapped around like a sick tattoo or marking of some sort. her stomach curdled at the thought of what her face would look like. or even the rest of her body. squeezing her eyes shut, gwen leaned her head back as the rest of the bandages were removed from her body. she didn't want to see them. she felt queasy just thinking of the permanent reminders she was going to have about the horrific attack. she shivered gently as the bandage around her torso was removed, the air being welcomed into her clammy skin. 

"okay the arm ones may hurt. seeing as you did break your arm in this ordeal," he sighed, "your left shin too. but luckily there weren't any deep cuts there." he chuckled, earning a glare from the blonde as he gingerly removed her arm from the sling.

her neck relished in the feeling of air dancing across it's surface, playing in and out between the stitches. she knew what came next. this was the moment gwen dreaded. the bandages on her face. one along her right cheek was removed, and she purred at the feeling. next was the one that wrapped around her head across her forehead. and finally, the one that cascaded down her right eye and through the corner part of her lips. the slytherin let out a choked sigh as the final bandage was removed. her right eye fluttered open slowly, a heavier feeling to it.

"you got lucky your eye was shut," the doctor commented, "you're able to see! that's a plus." he noted, tossing the final bandage into the trash, "alrighty. well everything looks good and where it should be. I'll be back in a week or so."

gwen gave a quick wave to the man as she shuffled her broken arm in the sling she wore, wincing slightly at the feeling. she refused to lift her head to meet the eyes of her mother. she knew what she must have looked like. something horrid. her mind painted a grotesque picture of a shredded monster. someone who was once beautiful turned into something that resembled a beast of sorts. but the feeling of her mothers gentle fingers lifting her chin, reminded her that no matter what, her mother would never her see her that way.

"you look beautiful, my love," she whispered, "I'll go get george okay?" esme laughed as gwen grabbed onto her shirt, tugging at her and begging her no, "my love. he loves you. a few battle scars won't deter him."

gwen pouted slightly as she dropped her hand, leaning backwards carefully as to not irritate the gigantic and thick scars on her back. the first ones she suffered from. gwen watched as her mother left the room, calling for her daughters boyfriend to come and see her. the blondes heartbeat picked up at a rapid pace, feeling as though this was the first time he will ever see her. she just knew that he would find her repulsing. he would fall out of love instantly and hate everything about her. it was extreme, but that was just her mind. panicking, she grabbed her wand and flicked it, the door slamming shut after esme left with a click of a lock.

a few moments later, a knock on the wooden door radiated through the room. gwen sat with her eyes trained on the wall ahead of her, blocking out and ignoring the noise that came echoing out of the door. she didn't want him to see her. she didn't know what she looked like, but deep down she knew it wasn't something that george could love. if her face was anything like her arm, she knew for a fact he would find her disgusting to look at. her face probably mutilated and disfigured, resembling that of a children's monster.

"princess..?" george's voice cooed, "please open the door." he whispered, the sound of his forehead hitting the door making a small grin pull at the corner of her lips, "you could look like nothing but muscle on your face and I'd still love you endlessly. please, I want to see your eyes. both of them. your full and round cheeks, your dimples. please."

turning her neck slightly to the side, she gave her wand a gentle flick. the door swung open and gwen locked eyes with those beautiful deep ambers of her boyfriends. his perfect freckled face, a playful twinkle in his eyes. lovely, milky, smooth skin. no scars, not flesh wounds. he was still as beautiful as ever. and gwen? she could only assume how horrid she looked.

george stood in his place for a moment, eyes locked with hers. he leaned backwards and shut the door behind him. his footsteps were light as he walked over to her, taking a seat on the bed. his bed. he tilted his head to the side and scanned her face quickly. his cheeks heated up, gwen caught the redness spreading to his ears. raising her one good eyebrow, she watched his reaction. and before she knew it, his soft lips pressed a ginger kiss to her lips. she melted into his touch, longing for that gentle validation he gave her with a simple display of affection.

"you are, and will always be the most beautiful person in the world, princess." he whispered against her lips, "don't you trust me?"

and with a nod, he smiled. laying her back down onto the bed, as dreams overtook her mind once more.

\-----

a day later, gwen grew weary of having others walk her to the bathroom. she hated the idea of relying on others and she just wanted to care for herself. she was awake, she could eat certain things, she could move better. but she also knew that if she were to attempt on her own, her mother would have her neck. so she figured that the best course, was to do it in the middle of the night. george had been sleeping in fred's bed, and she wasn't sure where the latter was. but the blonde knew how deep of a sleeper her boyfriend was, and that she could get away with it.

watching the clock hit one thirty, she gingerly sat up in the bed. glancing across, she noticed the snoring coming from the boy. smiling gently, gwen gripped onto the wooden crutch the doctor had sent to them, and leaned on it. she was getting better with her balance, having both injuries be on her left side (her arm and shin), she had a tendency to stumble. but she got better. hobbling slowly from the room, she let out a deep and shaky breath. she just had to get to the bathroom. if she got to the bathroom, she would believe she would truly be okay. and that was what she was aiming for. 

nudging open the door to the bathroom, gwen let out a relieved breath. she had done it. continuing her hobble forward, she caught glimpse of herself in the mirror. and her entire stomach dropped out of her arse. she pivoted carefully, turning on the light. and before her stood someone unrecognizable. someone ghastly. someone broken. someone scarred. she didn't see a human, no, she didn't see herself.

she saw a beast.

out of a blind rage, gwen found herself dropping her crutch and ramming her fist directly into the center of the mirror. the glass shattered around her knuckle and left small cuts on it's way down. gwen stared at the broken reflection with a heaving chest, her mind blank as she tried to process that of which she had seen. she didn't even look like herself in her eyes. she looked like someone who had...she wasn't even sure. she looked crazed. greasy hair, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. and peach pink scars puffed up along her face. the scariest, being her neck and her eye. both looking still somewhat fresh, with a red hue to them.

she flinched at the creaking of the door from beside her. someone in the burrow must had heard her outburst, and thought she may have fallen. but she didn't fall. she just sat there, knuckles bleeding and tears rolling down her face.

"well what do we have here?" the voice of fred weasley slurred as he leaned on the doorframe, "glad to see you up and around." he chuckled, the stench of firewhiskey heavy in his breath and aroma.

gwen turned her head slowly, glancing at the boy over her shoulder before grabbing her crutch, leaning on it. she gestured to her throat, indicating that she couldn't send a retort back to him. as much as she wanted to. her voice had escaped her from shock and trauma, according to the doctor. but eventually, it would return eventually. she just wasn't sure when.

"here." fred slurred once more, tossing a note book and muggle pen onto the sink, "found them on the table. empty. use them to communicate. I can only imagine how much it's killing you to talk." he said sarcastically, "you were always the talkative one." the ginger joked, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. as she went to write something in the book, he shook his head, "no. not tonight. I give george five minutes before he freaks out. plus, I'm too drunk."

and with a turn, the elder weasley twin was gone. leaving gwen alone with that vital piece of information sitting on the tip of her tongue.

\-----

the following morning, george awoke to his girlfriend sitting upright with a deadpan look on her face. gwen had woken up early that day, eager to finally have people listen to her. she was frustrated and fed up with people brushing her aside, telling her to rest and to get better. saying her head still probably wasn't in the right place. but she needed to tell them. she was certain that mei was alive and merlin, they had to know. if they didn't already, of course.

"morning princess." he cooed, walking over after sliding a t-shirt on, pressing a kiss to her cheek, "I was thinking. your birthday's in two days, what if- "

gwen raised the book, pointing with her wand, take me downstairs. to the meeting today.

"princess are you sure?" he asked, tilting his head, "are you sure you're well enough?"

she rolled her eyes, flipping the page and pointing at the next message, yes I am well enough, don't brush me off.

"always one step ahead of me, aren't you?" he chuckled, leaning forward and pecking her lips, "should we get you out of my pyjamas first?"

grinning, she flipped the page, I put clothes on the dresser.

after getting dressed in a loose pair of jeans, with a black tank top and an oversized green button up, gwen was ready to finally face the world again after about a month. he brushed her hair and teeth, making her look presentable for once in the last while. she hooked her crutch under her arm as george picked her up bridal style. the two trotted downstairs, a scarred and injured girl in the strong mans arms. allowing her to finally, finally, see the proper light of day.

the moment gwen was sat down in a chair, everyones thoughts came crashing into her mind. 

whose gonna tell her?  
  
oh she won't take it well

we just got her back are we sure this is a good idea?

in the end however, it was Remus lupin who had decided to break the thick silence first. he shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Gwen lowered her eyes at the man, as if challenging him in a way. she knew what they all thought, she knew what they all believed. whether or not they would tell her what actually happened and why they hadn't been able to bring her back? that was a different issue. 

"Gwen we're not exactly sure how to...tell you this but m—" he began, only to be cut off with a raise pointer finger from the blonde

grinning tightly, she wrote down the words best fit for the occasion. large bold letters with an emphasis on the second of the two written. everyone watched nervously as the newly recovering survivor of a werewolf attack wrote large and thick block letters. she held her sling over the notebook so no one was actually able to see what was being written. not even George could get a peak and he was sitting right next to her. as her hand stilled, so did the breathing around the room. 

in big, bold letters, the words 

MEI'S ALIVE

were written. leaving everyone speechless. but once again, it was lupin who spoke first. 

"how do you know?"

Legilimency, she wrote. 

"you're a legilimen? how?" lupin pondered, leaning forward across the table. 

tilting her head, Gwen forced another tight smile across her Cupid's bow lips, her hand writing on the paper, eyes failing to leave the deep set ones of the ex professor. 

Voldemort is my uncle, she wrote, before continuing, but we have bigger fish to fry. 

"do you know where she is though? what she's doing?" Lupin pressed, raising his eyebrow, "and we will be talking about your relationship with he who shall not be named."

scoffing, Gwen rolled her eyes before beginning to write once more, my biological relation to him is the least of our concerns. 

"actually Gwen it's quite im— " raising her finger once more to silence the man, she resumed her writing. 

mei's at malfoy manor. becoming a death eater.


	7. for i have left, and i cannot come back

"Mei, angel, are you listening?" The voice of Bellatrix Lestrange flew into her ears but she didn't really hear the woman. Her eyes only fixated on the sword laying across the table. That beautiful silver which seemed to dull any other light as it near sparkled. Marks running along down the center of the blade, a message which she couldn't read. Her eyes studied the blade as if it would disappear in a moments notice. The hilt match the blade, however it was such a deeper gleam of silver. 

Intricate paths and designs littered along the hilt, she desperately wanted to reach out and touch it. Run the tops of her fingers along the designs to be able to take it all in. At the center of the sword was a red jewel, maybe a ruby, it was too dark to be a garnet. Her eyes engulfed the color, it looked similar to the one attached to the skinny golden chain around her neck. We're they a set? No, they couldn't have been, Meis necklace didn't have a silver chain. The length of the blade was astounding, near 29 inches she assumed as it simply laid flat across the table.

In her mind she tried to pull away from the sword and it's beauty. Instead she tried to focus on the words which Bellatrix Lestrange had said to her to cause her daze. She'd told her something important, life changing, fearful. 

She told her she was a descendant of Godric Gryffindor. 

Descendant? No no, that wasn't the word. What was the word Bellatrix used, Meis mind struggles to latch onto the small moment which took place just a few minutes. Bellatrix used fancy words, saying Mei and the spirit of Gryffindor were combined. Were in some sort of unity. That this sword was her birthright. Meis head didn't wrap its mind around the information as she heard a rythamtic bump against the front of her skull. Over and over and over again like someone kicking the back of her chair in potions class. Her biological family was Slytherin, regal, cunning, resourceful, ambitious, self preserving. At times Mei wondered if she should've been in that house. How could a girl of great a Slytherin lineage be intertwined with a Gryffindor destiny?

"Can i, touch it?" Meis voice finally creeped out of her throat as she finally tore her eyes away from the sword to the crowd of people in front of her. Her eyes landing on each one. Bellatrix, her hair wild and the look in her eyes only matching it perfectly. Lucius, cold, a bored look in his eyes as his eyes pandered over the 16 year old girl. Narcissa, she looked the same as her husband, except her eyes seemed to class over at the conflict which had entailed. Draco, Merlin Draco. It took Mei a while to meet his eyes, avoiding him even since she'd let him see her cry, comfort her when she had been weak. His face was hard to read, his expression wasn't bored like his father, nor crazed like Bellatrix, it was more so interested, in what actions the single Gryffindor would make.

There was another presence which Mei could feel, but could see. The aura given felt vile, snake like, like breaths against her neck or lengthy fingers running slowly down her spine. It felt violating but she didn't know what it was, or more so who it was. 

"Go ahead Angel." Bellatrix songed, Mei took no time as her hand reached for the elegant blade. Her pointer finger found the cold of the metal first as she trailed her calloused skin across the edge of the blade, at a point she felt a single drop of blood rising to the top of her skin. It didn't phase the girl as she continued to run her hand down the sharpened edge. Soon the rest of her hand joined in her search as she reached the hilt of the blade, her palm wrapped around the base of the hilt as her skinny fingers continued on its mission. One by one her fingers held the hilt, her thumb resting on the magnificent ruby which laid on the center of the blade. 

Slowly she started to raise the blade as it naturally adjusted into her hand, Meis palm feeling completed as the notary piece of metal was slot in. The chill of the hilt laying against her hand felt comforting as she gripped her hand tighter, palm memorizing each of the singular details which rolled around in circles on the blade. Mei found her breaths to escape in small sighs as she started to feel more naturally in the sword. Laying her elbow at an open one hundred twenty degrees angle she let her wrist straighten, by design the body of the blade followed her movements. Slowly she tilted her wrist to the side. Only for the blade to act as an extension of her own arm. Tilting her wrist up it moved up. Side it moved side, down it simply went down. 

She would need to work on her swordplay, on the skill she needed to honor this blade. However she knew nothing could stop her, as the small obsession in her heart slowly consumed the sword of Gryffindor. Determined honor it and to exploit its power.

———

The clipping of the rain against the ground felt so real as Mei Payne found herself running along the concrete streets of diagon alley. Chipped cobblestone indenting the bottom of her bare feet as she ran from an unknown villain. She felt cold as she ran, her eyes quickly glancing down at her body as the white night gown she wore clung to her body. Holding onto her skin as the rain acted as it's glue. Red staining spots on the white dress in a finger print pattern, her legs being a continuation of the patter as she saw smudges hand prints gripping at her thighs. Squeezing at her calves.

The intensity of the rain only increased as she felt a burning in her lungs. She'd been running for miles, it felt like miles, the rhythmic beat of her steps against the cobblestone played to her ears like a symphony only she could understand. Her heavy breathing filtering along as a lower harmony to the higher octave of her feet. A small cry of pain escaping her as she felt a sickly familiar pain in her stomach. The cold of a blade yet as she looked down nothing was there. Only blood seeping in from a now opened wound as it sucked itself into the fabric of her night gown. Her long hair drenched by the rain as it stuck itself to her forehead.

She needed to find somewhere to hide. From the beast chasing her, whatever it was. 

Her eyes darted to the various shops littering her sidewalk, her heartbeat increasing with each closed sign she read. Until her eyes landed on an orange laced shop. A familiar looking animatronic at the top of the stop. Pulling a hat up and down, well it really stood at a halfway point as it seemed to have powered down. However the door was left wide open. Almost inviting her to come in. 

So she did. This would be her hiding spot until she got rid of the beast chasing her.

Her body moving to the door she quickly closed it behind her. She could faintly hear the noises of the beast as she slammed the wooden and glass door shut. Her hands desperately looking for a lock until she finally found it, quickly turning it as she heard the faint clicking sound. A sigh of relief coming from the girls throat as her back hit the now locked door. Slowly sliding down as the blood seeped from the ghost wound.

The shop smelled familiar, her eyes glancing around but all she was swallowed by was a blurring tint. Closing her eyes she pushed the back of her head against the wooden door. Taking in the smell of the shop. The first thing was cinnamon, almost similar to a bakery smell except for the addition of a gunpowder esque smell mixing itself in with the spice. As if they were one in the same. It was comforting as the scent infiltrated her nostrils. Next the smell of pine, almost a summer type of pine that smelled like it was set in a night time air rather than the usuals harsher smell of mint which traveled along with it. Then firewood, a burning charcoal sensation filled her nose. It left her body in a warm state as she tried to relax. Letting the smells comfort her, reminder the girl of a nicer time.

"Angel, are you okay?" She heard a voice call to her as a hand cupped the side of her face. Angel? Bellatrix? Was Bellatrix in this shop? No. No. Bellatrix didn't smell like ash, Bellatrix smelt like burning food. Like spearmint. Cold smells, winter air smells. Not the scent of autumn. Who was calling her angel? Mei didn't want to open her eyes, the energy she felt slowly drained from her. However her pulled the last of her energy from her core as her lids fluttered open. In front of her a tall ginger man. Small traces of a beard, well stubble, littered his chin. Mei liked the stubble, as she looked at him he felt familiar. She could remember the feeling of his textured jaw running across her neck. Down her chest. 

"Fred?" Her voice croaked as her near black eyes tried to find his. The world still blurry, his face still trying to focus inside of her mind. Weakly a hand moved to touch him, the first feeling she had was her fingertips hitting his chest. The coarse fabric covering his chest, it felt warm, used. Slowly her hand traveled up his shoulders, desperately trying to take in his appearance by touch before she could forget again. Finally she reached his face, her fingertips trailing across the gentle stubble on his chin. A small line of goosebumps riddles themselves across her arm. Her thumb slowly grazed his cheekbone, under his eyes, then his nose. Then his lips. She remembered his lips, the way they kissed her, how she kissed them. The passion she felt as they would press against her back. Going up and down her spine.

The way those lips traveled all across her body, kissing and touching the scars on her chest, the burns on her ribs, the wounds on her thighs. The way those calloused hands traced over the areas those lips kissed. Running in circles around the cut along her hip, gently caressing her ribs as they were bruised, tracing the scarred words that rested cut into her palm. 

"I'm here Angel, okay? I'm here." His voice softened as she felt the warmed of his closer to her. His arms wrapping around her waist as he held the two together, his hand caressing the back of her head as if she was a baby, as if the smallest of movement would be killing her. "Don't leave me, please." Her voice begged as her eyes closed again, the burning of her lungs once again hitting her as the man she held so close held her back. "I didn't leave you Angel. You left me." His voice vibrated against her skin as she felt a choking sob build up in her throat. 

She left him. She left. She left. She left she left she left she left she left. She left him. 

Alone.

"I didn't mean to. They took me, they hurt me, I don't want to be here I want to be with you. I want to be warm. Please make me warm again."

"Come back to me then angel. Come back home."

Then she opened her eyes, standing behind the boy she was holding she saw herself. She saw Mei Yaxley 

Covered in blood.

Holding a sword.

With short hair.

Smiling.

"You're not going anywhere." It croaked, it's voice sounded like nails on a black board as it moved it's arm. Raising the sword before plunging it into the back of the boy who begged her to come back to him. To come back home.

She left him

She killed him.

———

"I didn't mean to!" Her voice ripped out in the dark room, Meis eyes shooting open as she sat up in her bed. Her eyes trailing around the pitch black of her room. Trying to see if the man from her dreams was still there, if the smell of autumn was still overloading her senses. 

Instead she was met with the same vile aura from before. The snake like feeling of being watched which dripped down her spine like oil. She didn't think she was alone, but Merlin she felt alone. In the giant room, the queen bed with the silk green sheets which never blocked out the ever present cold wind echoing in the vast room. Her breath never sped down as she sat up in the bed, her lungs felt as if they were collapsing in on her, like they were burning. 

Her fist balled she sheets of the bed, her fear rising as the silk sheets felt distant, she knew this wasn't her bed. Her bed had a giant red comforter, soft to the touch and so warm. So comforting. The silk sheets weren't her old sheets. The silk sheets weren't what she was suppose to have. This room wasn't what she was suppose to have. She wasn't suppose to have silver and green. 

She was suppose to have brown and red.

"This isn't right. This isn't right! This isn't right!" Her voice screamed as her hands grabbed the silk covered pillow behind her, throwing it to the wall nearest to her. Sobs echoing in her throat as they mixed themselves with anger screams, her hands grabbing anything near her as her legs stood up.  
Moving her body subconsciously. Her hands laced themselves on a wooden jewelry box. A snake lock. No. Her jewelry box had a golden lock. Her clammy hands gripped the box as her skinny arm rang back, hurling it towards the wall as she heard the distinct sound of metal and wood snapping. Her hands slowly grabbed various objects. Continuing the pattern.

The emerald and silver jewelry. No, she didn't wear silver nor emerald, she preferred ruby and gold. 

An echoing ching of jewelry hitting the window filled the room.

Her hands landed on glass. A mirror. No. She didn't like mirrors, mirrors were mean. Cruel. Her mirror self was pathetic. Her fist balled as it hit the glass, the feeling of her knuckles splitting as blood traveled from her hand down her forearm didn't register with her as her arm sling back. Hitting the broken glass again.

And again.

And again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

At each hit her screams got louder, her words more incoherent as she tried to make sense of the room. Of what she was. Who she was. Who she use to be. Who was she? Payne? No. No. Not Payne, not anymore. Yaxley? No. Never Yaxley. Lestrange? Malfoy? Wilson? None of them fit. None of them were her. No not anymore. 

A dark strand of light hit her arm as it reeled itself back from the mirror. The skull and snake tattoo lining her arm shining out in a small glimpse. Her body stopping at her sight. Was that her? The tattoo? Did that define her now? Death eater? Scum? Yaxley? 

Was she Mei Yaxley? Was she was girl? Who stabbed Fred as he hugged her. 

Mei Yaxley? 

Her hand stopped its colliding with the mirror as she paused, her features going slack as she heard the drip drip drip of her blood splattering against the wooden floor of the room she was in. Her new room. Her short hair fizzed and tangled as pieces fell to her eyes. She had to get out of this room. She didn't want to be here. 

Once again her feet moved on their own as her mind raced. The heartbeat in her knuckled being the only sound she could register as she felt herself close the door of the room she had resident in. Step by step walking down the hallway of the manor. The darkness of night not chasing a thing about it. The walls stayed grey, the hallway stayed long. The chill of the wood against her bare feet still the same as it was during the day. The suffocating feeling of the air the manor held still the same as the day. The darkness of the manor still the same as it is in the day time. Step by step her feet moved, until she stopped in front of a closed door.

Dracos door.

Harshly her fist banged against the door. She waited, for an answer, for it to open. When it didn't she banged her fist against it again.

And again.

And again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Then it opened for her. A tired looking boy opened it as he looked down at her. His hair ruffled as it stuck up, his features laced with sleep as he waited for her to speak. A single question lining his tongue. "What the hell happened to you Mei?" He asked through a yawn. However she didn't answer before her arms cling around his body, her head pressing against his chest. The smell of mint, winter pine, filling her senses as she trembled against his body. A small comfort filling her as his arms wrapped around her small frame. Faint sobs voiced from her lips as her grip only tightened against him. His hand venturing to the back of her head. Cradling her head and neck as if she were a baby, as if the smallest movement could kill her. 

"I don't want to be empty." Her voice broke as she spoke to him. 

"I know."


	8. sister oh sister what have you done

"She's a death eater?" Ramiel scoffed, placing his hands on the wooden table of the Weasley kitchen, an awestruck look on his face.

That was how it had been for a while. Gwen had broken the news to everyone about Mei's actual status, and what she had gotten up to all while Gwen was in a coma. Everyone just stared at her for a while, unsure of what to do or say. Or whether or not they should actually believe what the young girl was saying. Maybe they just thought she was having hallucinations because of her being on literal death's door. But Gwen knew what she saw, she knew it was real. She felt the chill of the room and the intense stare of the others as Voldemort explained that they had a visitor. She knew that what she saw was real. Gwen wasn't one to lie or to fib, maybe avoid the truth at the expense of others, but never lie. She just wanted everyone to believe her with this, because she was telling the truth. It wasn't a concussion fantasy, it wasn't a hallucination, it wasn't a dream. Gwen had seen it with her own two eyes.

"Did you know she had legilimency?" Remus asked her parents, rubbing his chin with furrowed eyebrows.

"She's alive, Esme." Ramiel whispered, taking his wife's hands into his own, "She's out there."

Gwen waved her hands in the air in an attempt to get everyone's attention once more. For no one wanted to pay attention to the death eater part of the story. Remus was worried about her connection to the Dark Lord, Esme and Ramiel were just happy that Mei was alive, and the others around her just seemed confused about everything that was going on. But no one paid attention to her. No one looked back over at her, the one with the answers. The girl who saw first hand what was happening over in Malfoy manor. Through the eyes of Voldemort himself. She saw what they did to Mei, and how she got the dark mark, confirming her loyalty. Growing frustrated, the blonde picked up her crutch and slammed the butt of it against the floor, causing everyone to finally turn their attention to her.

If I can kindly have your attention again, she wrote, huffing deeply, I believe you are missing the bigger picture here. I am as relieved as any other that she is alive. But you're not understanding. She's a death eater. She has the mark. Mei has switched sides of the war.

"Why're we still sitting here then?" a rough and clearly slurred voice echoed from the living room.

Fred. Gwen placed her forehead in her one good hand, shaking it gently as she and the others tentatively turned their attention to the wreck of a boy. He still reeked of alcohol, and if wafted over to the others with every move he made. His eyes were red and inflamed, and cheeks hollow and pale. His hair seemed to have lost its vibrancy, and Gwen found herself almost afraid of the ginger. He wasn't the Fred Weasley she knew...no. No this was a shell of the boisterous boy she had attended school with. 

"Because we don't know if what Gwen saw was real." Remus quipped, clearly at his wits end with the entire situation around him.

"What she sees is real," the drunk man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and standing from his seat, "trust me on that one. She has seen a bit too much into my mind and has recalled exact moments to the precise detail."

Gwen glared over at the boy, who merely shrugged at her. He stumbled towards the group, and used his father for support as he tripped over his own feet. The blonde scoffed quietly and gently leaned back in the chair she was sitting in, lowering her eyes at the pathetic actions of someone she had begun to call her best friend at one point. He was acting as though this entire situation was indeed easily solved. But it was far from it.

"It's not that simple, Fred," George sighed, walking over and plucking the bottle of whiskey from the boys hand, "we can't just barge into Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord has an immense amount of security, I'm sure."

"You don't get it, do you?" Fred quipped, motioning towards his twin, "To lose someone like I have. You're all fine and happy now that Ms. Slytherin Princess over here isn't flirting with death anymore. You could care less about Mei. All of you."

Gwen's eyes blew wide at the words that fell from the drunk man's lips. The sheer amount of arrogance and self righteousness in Fred's rant made her feel sick to her stomach. That, or it could have been the sheer amount of pain medication she had ingested over the past while. But it wasn't Gwen who was the first to explode, no. Far from it, actually. It wasn't Mei's parents, or any of her siblings. It was that of one George Weasley. Who seemed to have had enough of his brother's antics.

"Yes, Fred. I am happy Gwen's back," he began, placing a hand on the girl's good shoulder, "but I do know what it's like. Just as you said, Gwen was on the verge of death. So get off your high horse. We have to come up with a plan, not just go into things, guns blazing. And if I ever hear you call her that awful name again, I'll ring your bloody neck."

"I don't care, George. I don't give a flying shit!" Fred exclaimed, standing to his feet, "She's awake and fine now. She's the most powerful witch we have here. Send her in. Merlin knows that she has a way of avoiding death anyways!" he finished, before reaching forward and gripping the blonde's uninjured arm, yanking her to her feet.

Gasps filled the room as pain seared through Gwen's entire left side. Her knees gave out from the feeling and she collapsed forward, landing on her arm with Fred, newly panicked, standing over her. The room fell silent. A deadly silent. And even laying on the ground, Gwen knew that if she could see the looks everyone was giving Fred, he would have been six feet under. But instead, the only noise that could be heard was the gentle pants and toned down whimpers from the blonde as she attempted to regain her barings.

"You're bloody mad!" George yelled, surging forward and grabbing his twin by the collar, slamming him against one of the walls.

As chaos erupted, a pair of firm arms wrapped themselves around Gwen and helped pick her up off the ground. Her father smiled gently down at her as he scooped her up, walking her over towards the couches. When he set her down onto the plush cushions, he made sure to try and keep her eyes on him instead of the scene that was now taking place in the kitchen. But no matter the gentle caresses or soft words, the yelling and screaming from the kitchen was kind of hard to drown out. Seeing as it was a mere few meters away from them. Gwen placed her good hand on her fathers and gave a weak smile before painfully sitting up on the couch. With a quick breath, she turned her head to see what was truly going on.

George still had Fred shoved against a wall, yelling profanities and threatening to beat his face in. Esme was being held back by Remus and Arthur, while Molly and the others argued over whether or not they should believe what Gwen was even saying. Everything came together to create a frenzy of emotion in her throat. Squeezing her fist together, she grabbed her wand. With a flick, the entire kitchen power ceased to work, and the lights flickering out made their eyes turn towards the only source. Gwen.

"E- enough!" she croaked out, a dry sensation running through her throat. George dropped Fred and Esme pulled out of the two men's arms. Both came running forward and smiled widely at the girl.

"You can speak." Esme cooed, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Y- Yes. And I'm ann- annoy- " the words got caught in her throat as the dryness of her throat slowly intensified. She hadn't spoken in ages, so the entire experience felt like something new to her again. It hurt, seeing as she did face some throat trauma with the accident, but she needed to get her point across, "annoyed. Can someone get me wat- water so I can y- yell at you all!"

An hour and 15 glasses of water later, everyone was finally on the same page. Gwen did not want anyone to act on what they knew, despite her own urges to run to the Malfoy manor herself and get her sister back. But she knew that wouldn't benefit either parties. Instead, she would continue to watch in on what was going on, and see if she can gather any more intel. She yelled at Remus for being more focused on her relatives than the fact one of the key parts of them winning the war was indeed alive and had been swayed by darkness. She got upset with her mother for focusing more on her own anger and emotions instead of just listening to what Gwen had to say. And Fred...she didn't even dare look at him. She was worried at what she may say if she actually spoke to him. The anger that boiled inside of her was enough to light a thousand flames and burn down the entirety of the forest around them.

"Now can someone please get the doctor. I can speak now and I just had my arm rebroken."

\-----

A week or so had passed since the entire fiasco had gone down after Gwen dropped a huge bomb on the group. After learning Mei was indeed alive, the entire Burrow seemed to erupt in chaos, from Fred losing his mind to people yelling and blaming each other for things. A part of Gwen was somewhat thankful for it, since it prompted her own voice to return. It was still patchy, sometimes too sore to speak. But the doctor said that would be normal for a while, and that he is quite pleased with her progress. Even going as far to say as she may be able to attempt stairs soon. Despite her obvious nerve trauma and the broken shin bone she had, she was ready for it. No one bothered her with asking if any contact with Voldemort had been made, trusting that she would report back to them if she had. And she would if she did, but he had a heavily fortified mind. Same with Gwen. Neither seemed to be able to penetrate the other's forces. But she had to, she had no choice but to see what he was doing.

Her sister's life depended on it.

However, she knew it wouldn't be too much longer. Since it was now her birthday, and he always had a tendency to give her surprise visits on important or special dates in her life.

But first, well, when at the Burrow, you cannot escape the love of Molly.

Gwen had never been a heavy sleeper, but she found the fact that they did indeed try and sneak up on her in the morning and surprise her with breakfast quite endearing. Due to the blunt force trauma she took to the head, Gwen was still on a strict semi-solid food diet. But that wouldn't stop Molly Weasley and Esme Payne from going all out for her. A large plate of eggs, a giant bowl of homemade applesauce, and more yogurt than she knew what to do with was the breakfast she would have the morning of her eighteenth. 

"Now do not expect to do a thing today, darling," Molly beamed as she handed Gwen her glass of orange juice, "we will all be at your beck and call!"

"I appreciate the gesture, Molly," the blonde chuckled, tilting her head, "but everyone has been doing that for the last while. I'll be okay today. The only thing I'll need is...well I suppose I can do the stairs now. Slowly."

"If you need anything dear, just let us know." Esme cooed, pressing a kiss to her daughter's forehead before turning and leaving the room, the shorter and plump Weasley following behind.

Gwen smiled at the two as they walked off, turning her attention back to the food in front of her. Despite how much she loved the thought behind it, she knew for a fact that she wouldn't be able to eat everything that they had given her. It just wasn't in her, she had never had the largest stomach, despite both Molly and Esme's constant efforts to shovel food into her. It was endearing, especially when she was clearly unwell. And she'd try...but sometimes her attempts weren't even enough.

"Hey there princess," George's voice cooed as the door opened once more, as he walked forward, "how's it feel to finally be eighteen hm?"

Glancing up from the mountain of eggs in front of her, she laughed softly, "I won't lie, a bit stiff." she teased, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I can imagine," he smiled back, taking a seat next to her on his bed, "but I was just thinking. If you're ready, why don't I sleep with you in bed tonight?" he offered, reaching forward and taking her hand into his.

Gwen's eyes widened slightly at his request. It hadn't dawned on her that the two hadn't shared a bed in a while, seeing as she was stiffly sleeping in his bed for the past month or so. But now she was finally getting better, and could move without feeling a painful sensation through her body. And she wouldn't deny it, she missed him. Whenever Gwen was at the Burrow the two would share his bed, and she missed his arm and comforting embrace. The way he would whisper soft words into her ear when they were falling asleep, or how he would trace patterns into her arms. She always slept peacefully when she was asleep with him, and never worried about aggressive dreams or having to relive through trauma in her mind.

"I think that'd be nice...I'm just worried because I'm trying to make that connection with the Dark Lord, and I typically can't when I sleep with you..." she trailed off, looking up at the ginger with wide and sad crystal blue eyes.

"Oh...No it's okay princess." He whispered, voice trailing off. The same pain she felt through her body not too long ago found itself finding home in her heart, just by the way his eyes fell.

Gripping his hand tighter, she tilted her head to the side, "But I may still be able to do it. So...yeah. If you're alright with it." the blonde nodded, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his lips gently. 

The rest of the girls birthday went fairly uneventfully. Gifts were exchanged, she opened letters from her friends back at Hogwarts. Tabitha had sent her a gift, a framed photo of the two of them and a handwritten letter. As well as a live photo of her punching Nick Yaxley. There wasn't much that she was really able to do, being in her state, but even if she was more mobile, the day was all she ever wanted. For the most part, she laid with George on the couch, listening to stories and simply talking to everyone. No talk about the war, no talk about Voldemort. They relived the good times they experienced, and shared that they hoped for in the future. And for the first time in a while, Gwen had felt herself find peace.

But something was still missing. The familiar beige wrapping, the handwritten messy cursive. The gentle hugs and endearing gifts. Mei was missing. The handmade gift, the special feeling she gave her. Her birthday wasn't complete without Mei. There wasn't a single thing that Gwen wouldn't give if it meant having Mei back. Being able to see her sister's bright smile, the crinkles by her eyes that made Gwen so happy. She missed the cheesy jokes and the teasing. Merlin, she even missed the bickering. If Gwen could do anything to have Mei back at her side as her sister, she would. No doubt.

She so desperately wanted her sister back.

"I'll be right back." Gwen whispered, struggling to stand from George's lap, catching herself on the cane she now used to walk instead of her crutches. 

Hobbling forward, still favouring her left leg, Gwen made her way towards the back door, where she could regain her composure and get a few deep breaths. The cold January air wrapped around her as she tugged a jacket tightly around her shoulders. Her winter blue eyes stared out across the vast landscape of snow, creating a comforting chill. Her breath danced out in front of her eyes, creating a ghost like outline. She watched out into the field and bit down on her bottom lip, watching the winter sun dip down below the tops of the snow covered nature. She wondered how Mei felt when she was taken, the thoughts going through her head as the field that Gwen was now staring at disappeared from her view.

Parts of Gwen wanted to convince herself that what she had seen while on death's door wasn't real. That Mei wasn't there, that she did die. She felt as though it would help her sleep easier at night if she had left the world versus joining the side of her psychotic uncle. But the rational sides of Gwen knew that wasn't the case. What she had seen was true, she had seen her sister get the dark mark on her arm. It felt foreign to even still call Mei her sister. She wasn't sure the girl she had seen was truly her sister. There was a distance between them, and a cold look in her eyes. Mei never seemed so cold, she was far too kind for that. A tad aggressive, sure, but never mean. The coldness she saw was more of Gwen's personality. A shield she would wear to hide those around her from seeing who she really was.

"Gwen," her father's voice echoed, catching her off guard, "darling come inside it's cold out." He whispered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Do you think she's looking at it too?" the blonde whispered, eyes trained on the sun that was now almost completely down.

"I'm sure she is my dear," he cooed, pressing a kiss to the girls temple, "I'm sure she wished she was here."

"I'm not so sure about that one, dad," Gwen commented, looking up at the man, eyes full of tears, "you didn't see what I saw...she was happy. There was a sense of joy in her..." she sniffled, using her one good hand to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes.

Ramiel went to speak, his mouth gaping open before sealing once more. The two fell into silence once more as he tugged the young girl into his side, watching the stars litter the sky above them as night fell. When the cold became a bit much, they turned and walked back into the Burrow. Gwen's body had a tendency to fall tired earlier, so George helped the blonde up the stairs towards his bedroom, where she could try and establish that connection with Voldemort, in an attempt to learn about his plans. 

"Sleep well, Princess." George hummed, leaving a gentle kiss to her lips, "I'll be up soon."

\-----

Hours later, Gwen felt her eyes peel open. George snored soundly beside her as the moon illuminated the small room around them. A thin veil of sweat covered her face as she woke from the sounds of a familiar snake voice whispering her a happy birthday. But all she had seen was darkness around her. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she carefully slid herself from the bed and into a pair of slippers, and grabbed her cane. Sliding her wand into the waist of her pants, she heaved herself up onto her feet. Gwen let out a breath as she attempted a bit of pressure on her left leg. 

She walked forward along the wooden floors, bracing herself for the journey down the stairs. She was able to do stairs, but typically there was someone behind her just in case she lost her balance. But Gwen didn't worry anymore. She would be okay. One foot, next foot, one foot, next foot. She repeated these movements down the twisty set of stairs, using the moon's light to guide her as it shone through the windows. When she reached the bottom, a final shaky huff escaped the blondes lips, and she felt a feeling of relief wash over her. She did the stairs by herself. That in itself, was Gwen's best birthday present in her mind.

The Slytherin made her way over towards the kitchen counter, filling the kettle with water at the sink in front of a large window. As it filled, she lifted her head to look out at the moon. Only to find her eyes fixated on a familiar, slim, tall figure standing in the middle of the snowy fields with a gown fitting along her perfectly. All air left her lungs as she slipped her wand out of her pants, and she hobbled along towards the back door, pushing it open with her shoulder after she wrapped her coat tightly around her body. 

Her slippers crunched in the snow as she walked forward, the outdoor pot lights the Weasley's had being the only source of light besides the white glow from above. Gwen felt her breath catch in her throat as she lifted her wand, a glowing light shining from the end. And her original fear was correct, there Mei stood. A dark dress fitting along her body, a keyhole one. 

"You got a new dress designer." Gwen stated, resting her weight on the wooden cane she held.

"You look like a beast." The cold voice of her sister called, followed by the sounds of steps being taken forward.

"Thanks. I was lucky I didn't become one." Gwen shot back, "You look like a feral cat...no. No you look like Bellatrix. It doesn't really work for you."

"So now you want what's best for me?" Mei's collected and calm voice chidded, her arm reaching around to the back of her, "You decide to choke me and then critique my look?"

Gwen furrowed her eyebrows, staring at the girl that was a few feet away with a confused look on her face, "I was essentially dead for three weeks. I've only been awake for two, and I haven't been able to go anywhere without someone following me. So I think you have the wrong blonde."

Gwen watched the fleeting look of uncertainty flash across the raven haired girls sunken features. But before Gwen could try and even attempt to set things right, or try and convince Mei to come home. Her arm pulled itself from behind her back, a large blade following along with it. The Slytherin gasped at the design on the sword, that of an infamous weapon. A sword of bravery and chivalry. Mei was wielding the sword of Gryffindor. And from the look in her face, Gwen knew it wasn't to kill a giant snake. But her.

Out of instinct, Gwen dropped her cane and pointed her wand directly at her sister. The two stood in silence for what felt like ages before Mei advanced forward, sword nipping at the side of Gwen's waist. Forgetting any injuries, the blonde ducked to the side, dropping onto her hip before using the side of the house to pull herself onto her feet once more. 

"Impedimenta!" Gwen exclaimed, the defensive spell hitting Mei and slowing her movements, but not completely stopping them.

"Come on then Riddle," Mei sneered, "show me what is really so special about you. Why he wants you so bad."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Gwen pointed her shaky arm towards the girl who was seemingly moving in slow motion, "F-Flipendo!" she stuttered, watching as Mei flipped backwards a few meters.

"That's all you've got!?" Mei yelled, sending a shiver down Gwen's spine at the sheer amount of venom that seemingly dripped from her words.

"I'm not going to fight you!" the blonde cried, not moving her wand from pointing at the Gryffindor, "Please don't make me fight you." She whimpered.

"Because you're a coward."

Gwen sucked in a breath, before a light on the second floor of the Burrow flicked on. The spare room. Where Esme and Ramiel were staying. Mei and Gwen's heads snapped up, and watched as the blinds were pulled back. No doubt at the yelling and flashes of light. When Gwen turned her head back towards where her sister once stood, she was nowhere to be found. Leaving Gwen in the dark cold, outside of the Burrow, blood staining her white pyjama shirt from the slight knick she had gotten from the blade. 

And the newfound knowledge that her sister was so far gone, Gwen wasn't sure she'd ever get her back.


	9. The mice in the field now run through my head

Mei remembered a nursery rhyme. It played over and over in her head as she drowned out the voice of Lucius Malfoy. Not wanting to listen to the man belittle her, insult her. To hear him say she was a coward, that she was worthless, that she was trash. That she was a yaxley. He was telling her to do something, something horrible. Inhumane. He was telling her to kill. Someone, kill someone, traitor. Blonde, small, princess. 

Gwen

Kill Gwen.

Three blind mice.

They wanted her to kill Gwen. Stab her, drag and knife down her skin and make her scream. Do things Mei may have thought about but never intending on doing. Mei wasn't a murder. However she bore the mark of them. She could feel her chest rising and falling with each breath she took as Meis skin slowly erupted in goosebumps. That had been happening more often, the goosebumps, Mei wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps the chill of the manor or the chill that always flooded down her spin whenever Lucius Malfoy spoke a single word to her. 

"Do you understand me halfbreed? Or have you gone daft?" He barked at her as she felt her eyes focus again, her mind unwrapping itself from the nursery rhyme which she couldn't quite forget no matter how hard she tried to shut off her mind of it. The song felt like mice running across her mind, hitting note after note into her memory and etching it on the inside of her eyes. Finally pulling herself from the trance, she looked the older Malfoy man in the eyes. A small shaking of her thigh soon silenced when she softly dug her nails into the skin above her knee. The small bite of pain satisfying the unnerve she felt. 

"I heard you. Stop yelling at me." Her tone harsh, something she would regret later on but the bite of her words only flood easily from her lips as her eyes held onto the older ones. She saw the annoyance run across his eyes like mice, from the corner of her eyes she notice the ever so slightly squeeze of his knuckles as she challenged him. "Then you know what you are to do? Or shall I repeat it once again?" His voice felt dangerously low as their eyes held to one another. Her voice felt torn as she opened her mouth once again, her throat scratchy almost as if claws raked across it. At the lack of voice coming from her throat the older Malfoy man scoffed. His patience wearing thin with the young yaxley girl.

"As I've said before. Tonight you will go to the burrow, and you will kill Gwendolyn Riddle. Understood halfbreed? Or do you need me to simplify it even more?" Slowly she shook her head, meaning she understood what the man said. He stood, she heard him mutter something vile under his breath before taking his exit. As his footsteps slowly faded she felt another pair of eyes against her back. Familiar, cold, warm?, comforting, Draco. Her back didn't turn to greet him, nor did her lips as her eyes focused on the wall in front of her. She faintly heard the echo of his steps coming closer to her, the the stop of them.

"Mei?"

His voice was harsh at first, almost like an annoyed kid. Perhaps he was saw her body start to shake as she exhaled a breath. Then the chill of his hands grabbing her arm, pulling her up to stand as she simply stared behind him. Her eyes only shifting to meet his as the chill of his hands wrapped around her waist as she felt herself being pressed into his chest. One of his hands moving up to press the mid of her shoulder blades. Slowly she leaned into the hug, her arms wrapping around his chest as she pressed her head into the small clearing on his neck and collar bone. She didn't cry. Not not this time. Instead her voice trembled. Just above a whisper. Filtering into his ear, her desperate words just for him. His reply just for her.

"I don't want to be empty." 

"I know."

Three blind mice.

———

The burrow looked different from the other side. It felt different from the other side. Colder from the outside. Although the burrow didn't seem to live up to her memory, there wasn't laughing echoing from every corner. However as she stood outside she could sense that there was remnants of life as lights slowly started to flicker out, one by one the rooms went dark. Her eyes lingered on a room near the top of the burrow, the window of it opened just enough to where a bird could fly through. She saw his figure in it, Fred's figure, the tall and lean figure. His hair was a bit longer now, not falling to his shoulders but it has grown just ever so slightly. The was he moved seemed intoxicated, however he seemed to have a moment of sobriety as he moved towards the window, his hand brushing against the opening briefly before he moved the window up just a bit more. Giving more room.

Her breath sucked into her chest as he stayed at the mirror. Fear bubbling that he would see her, that he would call to her. She would break his heart again, she didn't want to. She didn't want him hurting anymore, he wasn't bad to her. Whenever she thought of him, she knew they must be wrong. Her memories didn't make sense. In some memories Fred was horrible to her, using her physically and nothing else. Then she would be reminded of those small moments. When he called her a name she could quite remember, when they slept next to each other and he held her so tightly. The way he would leave a window open for her to fly through after he discovered the girl was an animagus. How he smiled when he looked at her. The memories didn't make sense, did he hate her? Like the first would suggest or did he not?

See how they run.

She slowly let her breath exhale as the light of him room went out. The house was dark, quite even. She was so use to quite , no, a part of her waited for the screams as she watched the silence of the burrow. The screams always followed the quiet of the Malfoy manor. Did the burrow get screams? Maybe they did in a way, laughter, screams of joy rather than fear. Maybe she could come back, she was here already, she could come back and not go to Bellatrix again. Not go back to the Malfoy manor. 

Then she remembered the mark on her arm. The tattoo which curled around her skin so comfortably she was scared by it. Scared by the mark and what it meant. It meant that she couldn't go back 'home' if she wanted. She was branded like them, she had said yes. She had agreed to the mark to make a woman happy. Why did she crave that from Bellatrix? Did she have a mother? She had ivanessa, no, no, ivanessa was not a real mother. Esme? Esme must've been a real mother right? Mei couldn't remember the woman that well, she remembered a outline of her. Outstretching a hand to Mei as the young girl huddled by herself in an alley way. But she didn't have any features Mei could remember, nothing which made the woman stand apart from that of Ivanessa Yaxley. 

Her mind filtered to one person after another, to Ramiel. Her father, her adoptive father, the man who cared for her without ever saying. Small words meant so much to the man, his actions speaking so loudly where his words don't. He was emotional, even when he tried to hide to fact, he teared up over little things. The smell of spring or the passion of his kids. He loved his kids, Mei believed that. He loved all four of them. Her memory lied her to as to what she meant to him. Lied saying he was cold, but she could faintly remember the hugs. Him patting her hair if she was upset. Him listening to her play something, an instrument, a piano? Yes, yes a piano. 

Her mind shifted from the figure of her father to Enzo. That was his name? The youngest boy, the one with brown hair, tanned skin, who's laughers felt infectious as he cheered away at the dinner table. Enzo in his first year would always cheer so loudly for Mei whenever she stepped onto the quidditch pitch. Screaming out his lungs, she remembered that, a memory that wasn't altered. There were so many memories that didn't seem altered. But maybe they were? Meis mind couldn't differentiate between them that well. Her mind couldn't hold onto information for too long anymore. 

Then there was Benji. He was cold, uncaring. But he had his moments. He cried in her lap, when Gwen was in the small coma from the ministry battle. In her mind his voice is drowned out, muffled. But she could vividly see his tears. He way he tried to hold them back. Her hand wiping one away before pulling his head into her lap, running her hand across his head. Humming a melody to him. 

Her mind was pulled from itself as she saw that figure walk out of the burrow, to the field with her. That blonde figure, Gwens figure. She was broken, torn, beastly broken, why did she look like that? Just weeks ago she was fine, more than fine really with the way she held her grip around meis throat and spat insults. Was that a false memory? Was her mind playing these tricks on her again? Why was the perfect princess broken? Why did she look like a beastly doll. 

"You look like a beast." Mei heard her voice say, however behind her eyes and her words she wasn't really there. Hollow is a word she would've used to describe the way she spoke. She didn't think of what she said to her, to Gwen, to the broken girl she resented. Mei know the words were hateful, filled with venom that dripped from lips like a snake. So much like the snake which burned itself on her forearm. Mei felt her body move, to fight the woman, to do what she was told. Told to kill, she moved to follow what Lucius told her to do. 

Her felt herself get confused, Gwen had said something to her, about the choking. About that moment, saying it didn't happen. Mei knew that was a lie, the feeling of her hands pushing against her neck. Gripping at the side and cutting off her air supply, telling Mei how she had wanted to do this for so long. That she was a beastly broken doll, that people didn't want. Mei knew that was real? How dare Gwen act as if that didn't happen. 

She remembered spells hitting her body. Slowing her down, flinging her back. Blood, blood from Gwen. The silver of the sword being fed only briefly by the red liquid stringing and sinking into the blade. Insults being coaxed from Meis throat as she called her sister a coward. For not fighting her. Did Gwen think that Mei wasn't worthy enough to fight her? That Mei wasn't strong enough. Mei was strong, Merlin Mei could hurt her. Destroy her, she was worthy enough to fight the likes of Gwendolyn Riddle. 

She was about the swing again, then she saw the lights of the burrow turn on. Blinding white lights which emanated a sense of protection as she saw figures outlined in the windows. Ramiel, Esme, siblings and siblings ginger and adoptive, George, fred. Mei couldn't see any of them, face any of them. No, they couldn't see this, see her a villain. Why did she care about that? If she was seen as a villain, they hurt her, they were the villains. Mei wasn't the villain. 

She wasn't the villain.

See how they run.

———

They all ran after the farmers wife.

Mei escaped from the burrow, vanishing as quickly as she came. Scared of her parents, siblings, lover. A part of her nervous to their reactions to how she looked, to how she was perceived. She shouldn't care, they hurt her, their words in her memories hurt her. Maybe she cared because her memories were like a crossword puzzle. Maybe she was scared to finally find the answers to the cross word, that seeing her family would fill in the blanks of her puzzle for the worse. 

She should have been more scared of what laid waiting for her at the Malfoy manor that night. Her mind wrapped around what her family would think of her that she forgot of the aura of the Malfoy manor. Of Lucius Malfoy.

"Did you kill the girl or not?" His cold voice spoke down to the girl as she stood in front of her, the sword of Gryffindor still loosely dangling from her fingertips as the shallow bloods slowly rolled down the blade. A small drop echoing along the ground as Mei did her best to maintain eye contact with the older man. 

"No, I didn't. People woke up and I didn't think that-" Mei started her sentence before he spoke over her, his eyes not blazing in anger but in annoyance and tiredness. "I don't want to hear your excuses halfbreed." He started, however Mei felt the words tumbling out of her mouth before her mind could catch up. "I didn't want people to see me do it. I know all of them and if they saw me do it then-" her words word cut shorts by a feeling, a feeling she felt too often, a suffocating feeling she hated with her whole body.

The older mans cold hand laced around her neck, quickly tightening around her throat like a cobra squeezing the life from its victim. Her eyes blew open, panic setting into her body as quick as he had moved to laced his chilled and ring clad hand around her airway. Her feel slowly moving backwards, trying to escape from the older man but only moving herself into a corner as he towered over her, his hand increasing pressure in a way that made her body thrash. Memories of her kneeling in the great hall in front of Nick yaxkey as she clawed at her own throat to get out of his grip. 

Who cut off their tail with a carvers knife.

This felt so similar to that, her hands going up to his hand, nails digging at his fingers to pry them off of her own neck. Fingers gripping at the rings on his hands, maybe that would help, make it easier to pry them off. It didn't, his grip just increased again, a dry and silent screamed echoed in her throat. Dying as soon as it hit the hair. Small spots of black filtering throughout the sides of her eyes as she looked back up to the man. The anger and annoyance in her eyes sending chills down her numbing spine. 

"Merlin, you are such as useless little thing. I don't know why Bellatrix and our lord wanted you so bad. They said you could be their warrior, that you could do what needed to be done because you wanted to make them proud. No ones proud, you have shown to be useless. Nothing of value, you were supposed to be a warrior. To be a fighter that would benefit us greatly. All you've done is scream, and cry, and cause so much annoyance for me. Maybe I should just kill you now, get it over with." He sneered, her voice cracking out one last dying scream before she heard a voice, a cold voice. A numbing voice. 

"Lucius, let go of the girl. She's been through enough for today." Bellatrix's voice felt soft in her ears, but she knew the woman's real tone was a yelling one. One to grab attention. However all her sense slide out of her, her sense of touch numbing as she had let her hands remove themselves from the Eder mans fingers which laced themselves around her neck. Her voice dead as she tried desperately to scream out for help. Her eyes spotting, a flashing of lights showing in her vision almost in a patterned sequence. 

All at once the pressure which had built up around her skin flooded the rest of her body. A dramatic inhale consuming her lungs as she legs gave in. Pulling her to the ground as she coughed and coughed. Her lungs felt like they were on fire. Or accurately they felt as if they were being flooded with water she couldn't get rid of. Drowning and drowning her from the inside out. She hated the feeling, if not being able to control her lungs, her body. The helplessness when a hand laced around her neck and cut of the vital supply of air which fueled her body like gasoline. 

Have you ever seen such a sight?

"We would be better off without her. She is hardly of any use. Teach her how to be better, otherwise I will finish the job I started." He scoffed to the woman standing in front of him. She could heard his footsteps retreat as she tried to calm her senseless breathing. The in and out of her drowning lungs drying to empty themselves. Her breaths into interrupted by the violent coughs which followed.

The echoing of the woman's footsteps filled her ears as she felt a finger to her chin, drifting her gaze up to see to woman, her eyes filled with pity. And something else, something Mei didn't quite know how to place. Sympathy? Or was it annoyance perhaps? At first Mei didn't know what to do, scared to speak. The s he thought of the first words which came to her mind.

"I'm sorry, I disappointed you."

"I know Angel. You did disappoint me." Her voice was cold, scary.

"Am I worthless?"

"No, not yet angel."

As three blind mice.


End file.
